Opening theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode 1.5: Why Not Us?

Opening theme (short version) ends

[SFX: Music begins playing, but tracks are skipped through quickly – Passengers by Roof, San Pedro by Sugoi, Formula Uno by Forever Sunset, then finally Where Do You Go by Easton, which continues in the background]

RILEY

Stop watching the phone, it’s been weeks, they’re not going to suddenly call now are they?

JULIA

I wasn’t watching the phone!

RILEY

Oh yeah? Just something really interesting happening on that blank screen?

JULIA

Shut up.

RILEY

I would, but unfortunately you’re always in my flat these days. Feels rude not to speak, since you’re already here.

JULIA

(SIGHS) Don’t you feel… 0n edge? Aren’t you nervous?

RILEY

Not really. I’m mostly just tired.

JULIA

We’ve not been fired yet. That isn’t a concern to you?

RILEY

Being able to make rent is the opposite of a concern, if I’m honest.

JULIA

But that’s it, doesn’t it feel like Frank or, or… I don’t know, upper management might act at any time? Aren’t you on edge just kind of… waiting, to see if we’ll still have jobs tomorrow?

RILEY

Waiting to hear from Leo, you mean?

JULIA

Well… yeah! They’re our friend, I’m allowed to be worried about them too.

RILEY

Well, I’m not. They’re alive, they’ve texted us to tell us that much. So as far as I’m concerned, they’re a traitor. Whatever they’re doing with Frank, they’ve made the conscious decision to keep us out of it.

JULIA

God you’re grouchy today. (PATRONISING) Do you need a little snack? Do we need to get you laid?

RILEY

Well, I just ate an entire bag of grated cheese. And I’m asexual.

JULIA

Wait, what?

RILEY

Yeah, I know, technically I’m lactose intolerant, but like—

JULIA

No, the part about you being ace, how did I not know that?

RILEY

Dunno. That one’s on you to be honest, I mention it constantly. Guess you’ve been too busy mooning over Leo to listen when people speak.

JULIA

I have not— I mean, I’ve been busy, yes, but not- I don’t moon, I’ve been busy investigating Better Place.

RILEY

For Leo?

JULIA

No not for Leo! I was investigating before I met them. They just… they helped. A lot.

RILEY

Mhhmm.

JULIA

No, I’m serious. I was doing this before I even met Leo. Why not keep going now? We don’t need them to keep working. We shouldn’t give up.

RILEY

What do you expect us to do without the recorder?

JULIA

(WITH INCREASING EXCITEMENT) We could rebuild the recorder! I broke into their laptop, remember? I have all their old audio diaries, there are some from before they even started interviewing spirits. It’s mostly mad- scientist nonsense but I think I could reverse engineer from their notes. If Frank has somehow forgotten to fire us, why not make use of the time we’ve got with access to case files?

RILEY

(UNCERTAINLY) So we’d be carrying on Leo’s work?

JULIA

No, we’d be doing our own work! Without them! Why not, they invented the recorder, but we’re just as invested in bringing Better Place down for our own reasons. Why not us?

RILEY

It has been… rough, just going back to work. Offering up someone’s entire backstory to dispatchers and knowing they’re not going to get a say in whether or not they get removed.

JULIA

Exactly! Think how I feel, going about actually removing them. It feels awful. But we can do something about it. You have your laptop?

RILEY

(LONG PAUSE) Depends, what are you going to do with it?

JULIA

Access my drive, obviously. I’ve got all Leo’s old audio notes saved there.

RILEY

Very… normal of you.

[SFX: Laptop being passed over]

Thought you were all paranoid and secretive?

[SFX: Laptop being booted up, typing, sounds continue through the next few lines]

JULIA

I pay a lot of money for a very high security cloud service.

RILEY

There it is.

JULIA

Okay, so there are a bunch of audio files from before they started their official audio diaries. If I listen to these, I can try to piece together what they actually did to build the recorder.

[SFX: Mouse click]

LEO (ON RECORDING)

Right. Right okay so, I think I’ve figured part of it out. Because if the problem is tuning in to… I mean, it’s up-close as we see it but the sound has a long way to… but if I focus in to… yes, yeah I think based on what we know about inter-planar physicality, and I mean literal physicality, as in, the way the planes interact with a category three… I’m right, I know I am.

[SFX: Mouse click]

RILEY

When was this recorded?

JULIA

About six months before they started taking the recorder out in the field, looks like.

RILEY

I see.

JULIA

Why?

RILEY

That wasn’t long after Noah’s spirit first manifested. Good luck getting any sense out of those. Back then, I could barely get any sense out of them in normal conversation. It was rough for them.

JULIA

I’ll figure it out. I do know a ton about paranormal theology. Even if they don’t make it clear what they’re talking about, I can work backwards. They said something about it being based on (LEO IMPRESSION, BUT IT’S MOSTLY JUST VERY BREATHY, WHICH, YEAH, FAIR I GUESS) what we know about the physicality of a category three. Well, lucky for us, I know a lot about that. It’ll just be like… cracking a code.

RILEY

Rather you than me. On the plus side, this might be the longest you’ve gone without checking your phone since the warehouse.

JULIA

See? Progress already.

Closing theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Phil Thompson as Riley, Shannon Kelly as Julia, and Leanne Egan as Leo. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

Closing theme (short version) ends