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Leon:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Twenty-Four: Riley Fucking Matkins.

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[SFX: Classical music playing, footsteps approaching, knock on door]

Julia

Leo? You in here?

Leo

Yeah.

Julia

Watcha doing?

Leo

Lying on the counter-top. I find it soothing. Frank hates it.

Julia

Yeah, ’cause you’ve got your shoes on. It’s gross.

Leo

Er, excuse me, I’m emotionally preparing for tonight.

Julia

Is that code for panicking?

Leo

Yup.

Julia

Well, good news, I brought mushrooms. So. Maybe that’ll help? Or make it worse. Could go either way, really.

Leo

Amazing, just what I like to hear.

[SFX: Sound of Leo sitting up]

Julia

Tell Noah thanks for the suggestion.

Leo

Will do. It’ll be a few days, I spoke to him last night.

Julia

How’s he doing?

Leo

He’s good. Thinks I’m panicking over nothing. Like, he cares about Riley, he just… never gets stressed about anything. Just keeps insisting that we’ve got everything we need, and that it’s going to be fine.

Julia

We do, and it will.

Leo

Unless, y’know, it all goes wrong.

Julia

It won’t. We’ve got venom, and we’ve got anti-venom. All you need to do is remind Riley how much you love them, and be high. All I need to do is keep my distance and shoot a ghost. All Frank needs to do is keep his distance and open a capsule. What could go–

Leo

—Don’t say it.

Julia

I won’t. But I’m right. And tomorrow night, when Riley’s better, we’ll do the moving-on ritual, and that’ll be fine too.

Leo

Yeah. Probably. It’s getting late, we should go find Frank and Riley. You said you brought mushrooms?

Julia

Yup. This flask’s for you. It’s tea. I mean, in the loosest sense of the word.

Leo

Perfect. Can’t even stand tea at the best of times.

Julia

You can’t stand tea?

Leo

Oh. I mean…

Julia

Leo, I have made you tea so many times.

Leo

I know, it’s okay, I don’t… I mean I don’t mind [it]–

Julia

Leo. Do you or do you not like tea?

Leo

(BEAT) I hate it. I hate tea so much, Julia.

Julia

What the fuck, Leo? Why didn’t you say anything?

Leo

I was so scared of you! You were so cool and intimidating and after everything… (BEAT) But we’re friends now, right? Blank slate and everything? So, I guess I’m telling you now.

Julia

Yeah, I suppose it’s character growth, even if it was obviously an accident. Well, the good news is this tastes nothing like actual tea. The bad news is it tastes much, much worse. So, down it fresher.

Leo

(LAUGHS) I couldn’t even down stuff when I was a fresher.

[SFX: Flask opened, Leo drinks deeply]

Leo

Oh my god that’s bad.

Julia

(AMUSED) Told you. Normal tea doesn’t sound quite so bad any more, does it? Takes maybe half an hour to kick in fully.

Leo

Half an hour. Right. So then, I suppose we just wait?

Julia

Pretty much. Do you know what to expect?

Leo

Not really. Hallucinations?

Julia

Sometimes, but mostly, it makes things feel… unreal. Time and space gets weird. And it exacerbates emotions. So it might make you giggly or euphoric. Or, if you’re in a bad place already…

Leo

Which I objectively am.

Julia

Yeah, it might make it worse. Anxiety, depression, all of that.

Leo

Wonderful.

Julia

Me and Frank will be there, keeping our distance, but we’ll be there. We’ll keep you on track, ok? You just need to focus on Riley.

Leo

Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.

Julia

Good. Because that’s like, your one job.

Leo

No pressue then. So, Frank and Riley?

Julia

Yeah, they’re in lab three. Frank’s taken them out of bed for the ritual. Thinks the grounding will work better if it’s in a less familiar environment.

Leo

That sort of makes sense. I was starting to worry Riley and the bed might become one.

Julia

Yeah, so were they. But they knew that if they overexerted themself under my watch I’d commit unspeakable atrocities on them. So, bed it was.

Leo

God, you’re terrifying.

Julia

What about the character growth?

Leo

Can’t one friend find another friend terrifying? In an affectionate, platonic way?

Julia

I suppose. I’ll take the compliment.

Leo

(AMUSED) You’re welcome. (BEAT) Right, let’s go do this, then.

[SFX: Music and scene fade out]

Riley

How long’s it been?

Julia

Maybe twenty minutes?

Frank

Are we certain it has taken effect? If Leonardo is harmed-

Leo

Oh my god.

Frank

What? Leonardo, are you well?

Leo

Julia. How long have your eyes been that colour?

Julia

Mmmm… my whole life, probably. Unless something’s changed that I don’t know about.

Leo

They’re… so… pretty. Dazzling, even.

Riley

Yeah, they’re fine, Frank. That brain is about as addled as I’ve ever seen it.

Julia

Leo…

[SFX: Julia pulls them aside, then then slaps them]

Leo

Ow.(?)

Julia

Pull yourself together. We’re going to do it now.

Leo

Oh. Oh shit. Okay. Do we think that pit in my stomach is the drugs, or?

Julia

No, I think that’s just you being terrified. Use it.

Frank

Mx Matkins. If you’ll stand in this corner, yes just here. This way Ms. Wilde and I can stand in the opposite corner and stay far from you and Mr Gilbert. I’m going to inject you with the venom. It is quite a lot. Not all cases of envenoming from funnel web spiders occur rapidly, and in some cases, fatality might not occur for days. This particular sample has been designed to kill quickly. It will hurt.

Riley

Great pep talk Frank–

Frank

I am going to inject you now.

Riley

–Jesus fucking christ!

Frank

Leo, now.

[SFX: Footsteps as Frank and Julia back up]

Leo

Okay. Okay, uh.

Riley

Going to need better than that from you, Leo.

Leo

Crap. Okay, I- take my hands. Okay. I rehearsed this, I did. But I’m- I’m high as balls and I can’t think straight. Riley. You need to fight this. We need you to fight this. Oh god, you’re sweating. Or is that me? No it’s both of us, we’re definitely both sweating. How are you feeling?

Riley

Bad, obviously. My lips are tingling.

Leo

Er… I’m going to help you sit down, okay? Alright, this is, I guess, kind of for panic attacks, but it’s the same idea. Grounding. Sit down on the floor. There we go, keep one arm around me, I’ll keep you upright, but put the other hand on the floor. It’s concrete. Cold, right? Feel how cold it is. Now slap your hand against the floor. Ignore the walls are breathing.

[SFX: Weak slapping sounds]

Riley

I think the walls are only breathing for you, Leo

Leo

Okay, well that’s good then. Now stamp your feet.

[SFX: Weak stamping]

Leo

Okay, good. You’re here. You’re on this floor, this cold floor, and I’ve got you, okay? I’ve got you. Lean on me. You’re Riley Matkins, you hear me?

Riley

I’m going to be sick.

Leo

Uh…

Frank

(DISTANTLY) There is a bin, to your right.

Leo

Here.

Riley

(COUGHING)

Leo

Oh. Oh god. I’m not going to be sick. I’m not. Because this is my one job. Okay… You’re okay. You’re okay. Your body is… Struggling. But it’s your body. It’s your body and it’s doing everything it can to keep you alive. Not Nathaniel Gilbert, you.

Riley

(GROANING) Oh God.

Leo

You’re okay. You’re okay. Your body is… Struggling. But it’s your body. It’s your body and it’s doing everything it can to keep you alive. Not Nathaniel Gilbert, you.

Riley

(BREATHLESS, PAINED) Jesus Christ.

Leo

(SOFT) You’re okay. Lean into me. I’ve got you. I’m going to hold you tight, until this is over. Riley. Remember what Nathaniel Gilbert said to me, when I spoke to him? Remember what he said about me just being that frightened little kid you met on the playground?

Riley

I didn’t- he was twisting my thoughts-

Leo

No, but he was right. I’m still just that kid, Riley. And you’ve always been picking me up, always cleaning up after my messes. You found me in tears, that day we met. Do you remember why?

Riley

(SLURRED) Fucking… Joe Kilburn.

Leo

Right. Yeah, I picked him a flower during break because I had a crush on him. He called me an ugly lesbo, which was an insane and innacurate choice of insult for a whole bunch of reasons. But… er, no, my point… that’s not my point.

The point is, do you remember what you did? ‘Cause, I thought you were going to punch him or something, but you didn’t. You invited me back to yours for tea. Your mum was fuming, you didn’t even ask permission you just brought me back after school.

And then, at your house, you took out this whiteboard. Like, the kind with four legs and a little notepad on the top. Because I guess you were just the kind of kid that just had one of those lying about. And you presented me with a seven-step plan for meticulous and total revenge.

Riley

(SLURRED) My best work.

Leo

(SMALL LAUGH) It really was. Jesus, my head is spinning. And your hair is so shiny. Sorry. My point is. You were there for me. You have been for decades. Every time I do something stupid, every time I do something reckless, every time I get hurt. And I’m always getting bloody hurt, Riley, I don’t know how I do it but I’m always getting hurt. And you’re there for me every time.

Nathaniel was right, I need you. I need you to pick me up from the ground. So, right now, I’m here. You’re on the ground, remember it, remember the cold concrete.

That’s your body, and I’m here to drag you, and your body, back up once he’s gone because I need you. I love you, Riley.

Riley

(SLURRED) Didn’t need me. Last few months.

Leo

Yes I did. More than ever. To save me from myself. That’s what you do best, Riley, you save people from themselves. Because you’re bloody brilliant. Your mind moves at like a thousand miles a minute, you’re thinking through every possibility, every way something could go wrong.

Like, right now – I don’t know how, it’s definitely new, but I can feel your brain, Riley. And even while your body’s giving up, it’s- it’s a work of goddamn art.

Riley

(A LITTLE BREATHLESS) Yeah, that’s definitely the drugs, Leo.

Leo

(IN AWE) I don’t care. I don’t care because I’m holding your beautiful bloody brain in my hands and it’s exactly like I imagined it and it’s perfect.

Riley

(STILL BREATHLESS) Why have you been… imagining… what my… [brain feels]—

Leo

Why wouldn’t I? You’re a research genius, Riley, you’re just a genius full stop. Because your brain is just whizzing through all this information all the time.

Riley

What’s it feel like?

Leo

Like… like a messed up little rollercoaster.

Riley

Huh? What?

Leo

Like a rollercoaster. Like it’s only supposed to go in one direction but you’ve added all these bizarre mods to it and there’s just all these cars whizzing past and they seem like they’re about to crash into each other but they don’t, they don’t because you planned ahead, you always plan ahead.

It’s a weird, messed up little rollercoaster, and only you know how it works but it’s perfect, and it’s gorgeous. And I don’t care if it’s the drugs because holy crap, I wish you could feel it, Ri.

And this bastard, who thinks he can take over your mind, he’s wrong. Maybe he’d be capable of it if it was literally anybody else, but not you. Not you, because you’re Riley fucking Matkins.

[SFX: Music starts to swell, but fades again as Riley struggles to speak]

Riley

(BREATHLESS) I’m… I can’t really… breathe

Leo

(GENTLER) I’ve got you. This is good. You’re showing Nathaniel he’s got no place here. You’ve got this Riley. You’re going to beat him because we need you.

I need you, to pick me up when I’m a mess. And Julia needs you, because god that girl is gorgeous and intelligent and god, just really really smart, but she’s reckless as all hell and she can’t do this court case thing without you. You’re playing the long game with Arthur’s case and that’s your thing, Riley. Beautiful, smart Julia doesn’t do the long game. She needs you. Hell, even Frank needs you. Don’t tell him I told you this [but]–

Riley

(BREATHLESS) They can… both… hear… every… word.

Leo

Shhh. Don’t tell him I told you this but he just loves being bullied. Like, nobody’s teased him since maybe the 1950s. And he needs you here to keep calling him names and taking the piss and keeping him in check.

And… I need you, Riley. Not just because I’m a mess. But because you (VOICE BREAKING) are the person I love most in this whole world and if you were gone… I don’t know what I’d even do. I don’t know how I’d keep existing in a world that didn’t have Riley Matkins in it.

So listen to me. Listen. Feel my arm around you, okay? Feel my hand on your chest, your heart’s beating really fast, but that’s good, it means you’re fighting him, feel it, and listen to me. You are going to win this.

You are loved. You are needed. And most importantly, you are Riley! Fucking! Matkins! And Riley Matkins doesn’t let anybody, anybody, tell them who they are.

Riley

(GASPS)

Frank

Look at the EMF meter.

Leo

(QUIETER, AS AUDIO FOCUSES IN ON JULIA AND FRANK) You’re doing it, Riley. You’re winning. You’ve never lost a fight in your life. Don’t break the streak now.

Frank

Ms. Wilde, shoot. Now.

[SFX: Gunshot]

Julia

I don’t think that got him.

Frank

(ANGRILY) Aim. Better.

[SFX: Gunshots]

Julia

It’s an invisible target, Frank, you bloody try!

Frank

You are aiming as if he is lingering over Mx. Matkins. It is Leonardo’s mind that is vulnerable, aim as if he is right beside them.

[SFX: Gunshot]

Julia

That one got him!

[SFX: Stasis capsule being opened]

Frank

Nothing is happening.

Julia

Get closer.

Leo

Just a bit longer, Riley. It’ll all be over soon.

[SFX: Frank steps forward quickly, then a few more measured steps until Nathaniel is pulled into the stasis capsule with a whoosh. Capsule is closed.]

Julia

(PAUSE) We did it.

Leo

Frank? Frank, they’re barely breathing.

[SFX: Hurried footsteps, Frank kneeling beside Riley]

Frank

Take a step back, Leo. You did well, but I need to help them now.

Leo

No. No I can’t let go of them. I can’t.

Julia

Leo, he’s got the anti-venom. Come here. Riley’s going to be okay. You did it. They’re going to be okay.

[SFX: Fabric rustle as Julia pulls Leo away from Riley and holds them]

Leo

(SOBBING)

[SFX: Fabric rustle]

Julia

Shh. They’re going to be okay.

[SFX: Scene fades out, brief silence]

Frank

How are you both?

Leo

Riley’s still asleep. I’m… uh…

Julia

Depressed as all hell?

Leo

Yeah, that about covers it. And kinda nauseous.

Julia

Yeah, I should have warned you about the comedown. It’s not pretty. Unlike me, apparently, who is both pretty and very very smart…

Leo

(MORTIFIED) Oh my god.

Julia

(ENJOYING THIS) …But like, completely incapable of playing the long game, apparently, which, okay not untrue but still, ouch.

Leo

I am so sorry.

Julia

Oh, I’m fine, it was hilarious. Or, it would have been if Riley wasn’t dying at the time. Even Frank looked like he would have found his little segment amusing in less dire circumstances.

Frank

I make no comment. But I will say that any attempts to… bully me will be met with significantly less amusement.

Riley

(GROGGILY) He’s lying. Look at him. Oddly, I now want to be less of a shit to him.

Leo

Riley! How are you doing?

Riley

Well, that was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months. So that’s something.

Frank

Any nausea, fever, rash?

[SFX: Riley sits up in bed]

Riley

I literally just woke up. Give me a minute before you make me check my entire body for rashes. But I don’t feel feverish. Bit nauseous, but not too bad.

Frank

That should pass.

Riley

What the fuck did you even give me? I know I said it can kill in fifteen minutes, but usually, like, small children. Funnel web venom shouldn’t have floored me that fast.

Frank

This was… modified. My contact is a specialist. I chose it for its rapid effects.

Riley

It’s giving… camp bond villain. Risky move.

Frank

Yes, but one that minimised your suffering. If it had taken days for you to come close to death, it would have been… an unpleasant few days.

Riley

Alright, then. Thanks, I think. For almost killing me.

Leo

I mean, you’re fine now, right? The anti-venom did its job?

Frank

It appears so.

Riley

There’s this one kid that got bitten, almost killed him, he needed the biggest dose of anti-venom that’s ever been administered. And then he just walked out of hospital the next day.

Leo

Oh. Wow.

Riley

Yeah, I did my research. With that big ol’ fucked up rollercoaster brain of mine.

Leo

(MUFFLED) oh my god.

Riley

(CHUCKLES, THEN PAUSE) Frank. Can I see him?

Frank

Excuse me?

Riley

His stasis capsule. Can I see it please?

Frank

Yes, just a moment.

[SFX: Footsteps]

Julia

Oh, I brought you something, Leo.

[SFX: Bag unzips, a litle rummaging]

Julia

Ginger chews, for the nausea. And an energy drink, for the rest of it. Won’t cure the misery but should perk you up a bit.

Leo

Thanks.

[SFX: Leo opens the can, then thinks better of it]

Maybe after the ginger’s done its thing.

[SFX: Frank’s footsteps returning, handing over capsule to Riley, who sits up a little straighter]

Riley

It’s a bit… anti-climactic? Feels a bit pathetic, in here, doesn’t he?

[SFX: Riley taps on the capsule]

Good effort, you evil bastard. Enjoy your little metal prison while it lasts.

[SFX: Riley taps on the capsule again, absently]

(LONG PAUSE, THEN WITH SOME RESOLVE) I’m coming with you all, tomorrow night. Or tonight, I guess. Is it morning?

Julia

Barely.

Riley

Then tonight. I want to be there when you get rid of him.

Leo

I mean… are you well enough?

Riley

I’m already feeling better than you are, by the looks of things.

Leo

(SMALL LAUGH) Yeah, fair.

Frank

Then rest up. Both of you. We leave for the Path to Forgiveness Church this evening.

Closing theme begins

Leon:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leon Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Shannon Kelly as Julia, Leon Egan as Leo, Phil Thompson as Riley, and Asher Amor-Train as Frank. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you let someone know. Leave a review, tell a friend, or reach out to us on social media. You can find us on Tumblr or Bluesky @tellnotalespod and, as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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