[SFX: Radio static plays, scanning through various channels]

[Heartfelt corporate music plays]

Speaker one:

Embarrassed about the icy chill that lingers in the guestroom? Anxious about the noisy Poltergeist in the attic? At Better Place, we know how isolating a haunting can be. Don’t let your ghost be the only guest in your home. Reclaim your space with Better Place. (Much faster) Terms and conditions apply, costs vary with spirit severity. The term ‘better place’ is used metaphorically and the existence of an afterlife cannot be guaranteed.

[SFX: Radio static plays, scanning through various channels]

[Upbeat corporate music plays]

Speaker two:

Having pest problems? You wouldn’t put up with a house infested with mice or cockroaches. So why should you have to put up with a ghost? If cleaning the blood out the walls is taking too much of your time, or if replacing the shattered light bulbs is costing too much, Better Place can help. Stop paying through the nose to fix the symptoms and go right to the source with Better Place. A one-off payment will get rid of your ghost for good. Visit our website or call us now on–

[SFX: Radio static plays, scanning through various channels]

[Tell No Tales intro theme begins]

Leanne:

Tell No Tales is a serialized fiction podcast about ghosts, the people who hunt them, and finding out who the real villains are. Coming to this feed spring 2022.