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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, Episode Seventeen: Leave Me Be

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[SFX: Recording Begins, classical music playing]

Leo:

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, assistant to Frank Williamson, director of Better Place. And, well, according to Julia, “a possible bad egg.”

Riley:

No way, it actually says that?

[SFX: Phone is unlocked and passed over]

Leo:

Yeah, see, just kind of scrawled in the corner there.

Riley:

God, how can you read her writing?

Leo:

Frank’s assistant, three question marks, a possible bad egg? hiding something, secret project.

Riley:

Yike.

Leo:

Yup.

Riley:

I mean, maybe it’s a positive sign that it’s scribbled in the corner. Not in block caps in the center of the page, like FRANK, SUSS AS ALL HELL. Now that I can read.

Leo:

Would it kill her to be a little bit more meticulous in her notes?

Riley:

It’s probably intentional. I mean, if she’s paranoid about it being seen. It wouldn’t hurt you to be a little less meticulous with your notes. If someone found your audio diaries, they’d know everything.

Leo:

Not a chance. I keep them on my personal laptop, not backed up to any cloud, and I basically never let this thing out of my sight.

Riley:

Yeah, well, you’re paranoid in your own special way. Maybe you two are perfect for each other after all?

Leo:

(GROANS) Don’t.

Riley:

I won’t, but not because I’m feeling nice, only because I’m gonna go find out what I can about the warehouse. Julia apparently knows enough to think it worth investigating. And I’m not really in the business of knowing less than other people.

Leo:

And I love you for it. You need help, or…?

Riley:

Nah, you keep working on getting interviews. This little mystery doesn’t make our original goal any less important. You still got that case file I sent over?

Leo:

Yeah, plant lady?

Riley:

That’s the one. Right,

[SFX: Chair pulling back, footsteps to door]

I’ll report back later then, try not to have a meltdown while I’m gone?

Leo:

No promises.

[SFX: Door opens then closes, case file pulled from drawer]

Leo:

Case RM#2253, Category 2, Case status-Active. Reported via email by a Mr. Matthew Richmond. Initial report:

Dear Better Place customer service, I am writing regarding one of the properties I own in Elephant and Castle, and a potential presence I would like to be investigated. I’ve had several tenants lodge complaints, and the last has asked for a reduction on their rent if I am not able to deal with the problem myself. I don’t think the matter particularly urgent, as it seems to be nothing more than the vaguely reported ‘bad feeling’ at the moment. However, if you could begin a case and send me confirmation of it, that should be enough to satisfy my tenant for now. Many thanks, Matthew Richmond.

So it looks like this was kept as a low-priority case for a while, but then a couple of days ago we received a follow-up email from the tenant himself:

Dear Alison, many thanks for confirming the case has been logged by my landlord. However, the issue has progressed and I’m afraid I have to ask you to prioritise the removal of the spirit as a matter of urgency. I’ve never been much of a house-plant person, but I had a couple of little potted plants given to me as house warming gifts. The spirit seems to have taken the care of these plants into its own hands, and now, somehow, my whole bedroom is overgrown. I know it doesn’t sound like the worst thing a ghost could do, but I no longer have use of my bedroom, and I’m having to stay in a hotel at the moment, which is costing me a fortune. If you could send someone over as soon as possible, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks, Ben Sloan.

So Riley found the identity of the ghost fairly easily by the looks of it. There was a woman called Winona Haig who owned the property up until about seven years ago when she passed away, peacefully, in her sleep. In the bedroom where her spirit is tethered. She was apparently a bit of a homebody, there are medical records of anti-anxiety medications prescribed for a diagnosis of extreme agoraphobia, and she made up for it by tending to an incredibly elaborate home-garden. Her plants were, apparently, her biggest hobby, her best friends. Didn’t look like she really had anyone else. When she passed she had no will, and that was when the flat was bought up by the current landlord. Riley’s been working to fast-track the research, but they’ve passed the case over to me before forwarding it on to the dispatchers. I mean, it’s perfect, an empty flat, the landlord’s left a spare key for us, a chance to be in and out before the dispatchers even know about it. But I do have to act quickly, because the longer Riley keeps the file from the dispatchers, the more trouble they’ll be in for taking too long to process a priority case. So, I’ll probably head over on my lunch break again. I’d do it after work, but I could really use an evening off tonight. Burnout is a real and ever-present threat, for sure. (SIGH). Yeah, I’ll head over on lunch. Maybe pick up a Greggs on my way back as a treat. Yeah. I’ll do that. More later.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins, classical music playing]

Leo:

(PITCHILY) One day of peace, you know? That’s all I ask! Just one day of nothing weird or horrifying happening, one day with no new information or unpleasant surprises? I don’t think that’s asking too much. I’m going to walk you through what happened from the start. And then, then. And only then. I will wholly and completely lose my cool. Okay? Okay. So. (DEEP BREATH).

[Ambience: Classical music fades to dreamy atmospheric music]

Getting into the flat itself was easy. The landlord left the spare key under the welcome mat, and I just slipped in. The flat was quiet, and still, but it didn’t take me long to figure out which was the bedroom door. It was the one that I had to shove open with my shoulder because there was a weight on the other side, a weight that creaked and rustled when I disturbed it. When I finally forced it open, it gave too suddenly, and I fell forward, knocking branches and leaves out of the way. There was a clamouring, not just the sound of me tumbling to the ground, but a shifting and scurrying somewhere else in the room. It was bizarre in there, in a kind of beautiful way. I could only see two pots, like Ben had said in his email, but somehow there was a whole botanical garden’s worth of different plants, climbing over the furniture, stalks twisting across the room, heavy wooden branches pressing against the windows. Every movement I made sent the whole room twitching, an interconnected nervous system of plants, every step and shudder from me sending a pulse through every corner of the room. And I could feel the spirit’s annoyance at my disturbances, which was completely not conducive to me not having a panic attack, so I hurried to defend my presence. And, well, you’ll see.

[SFX: Mouse click]

Leo (ON RECORDING):

Hi, Winona, my name’s Leo. I’m sorry, I don’t want to disturb you, but it’s kind of urgent. Better Place have been called to remove your spirit-

[SFX: Creaking and Rustling]

I know, I know, please call the branches off, I don’t like it either. Look, I’m on your side here, I promise. Will you just hear me out please? Thank you. I have this recorder, it can pick up your voice. I don’t think it’s fair that Better Place can remove spirits without their consent, so I’m working on building a case that people like you should be able to provide or withhold that consent. But to do that I need you to talk to me, okay? Can you tell me a little about yourself?

Winona Haig:

Look, I believe you when you say you’re here on my side. But I just want to be left alone. It’s all I ever wanted in life, and it’s all I want right now. So can we just cut to the chase here and I’ll tell you that you don’t have my consent to remove me? This is my home. I have legal ownership of this property. I may have been gone for a while but I’m here now, and I did not give permission for some greedy landlord to buy up my home. All I ever wanted was to stay here and be at peace. I never hurt anyone, here, tending to my garden. But you’d think I was, the way people took offence. Everyone wanting to fix me, nobody stopping to consider that maybe I was happy here, happy alone, and I’ll continue to be happy here for the rest of my afterlife provided people like you do what nobody could ever do in life and Leave. Me. Be. And I’m not sure I appreciate your whole ‘you can talk to me,’ bit, I’m sure it would sound plenty sincere, if not for the Better Place agent hiding out in the wardrobe. Though, come to think of it, you may not be aware yourself. Some operation you’re running. Here, look.

Leo (NO LONGER ON RECORDING):

And that’s it. That is the full extent of what I get out of my interview with Winona Haig because at that moment, that’s when one of the vines curls around the handle of the wardrobe and tugs. And out comes, (DEEP BREATH) Julia. Yes. That Julia. Julia Wilde, Better Place’s newest dispatcher. The criminally beautiful one that goes on rogue missions and keeps cryptic notebooks that mention me and Frank and mysterious warehouse secrets. That Julia. Tumbling out of the wardrobe. And she just stares at me, both of us frozen for a few seconds too long. Until she just tears out of there, knocking me down on her way past, pelting out of the room. And I… I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I should chase after her but even if I caught up to her, what then? Would she even have told me what she was doing there? Would she have told me the truth? And this is the part where I start to lose my cool because (VOICE BREAKING) What if… I mean if she’s working for Frank, she heard everything I said to Winona. Which means she’s one phone call to Frank away from costing me my job. And Riley’s too. And… No, okay. Riley said no meltdowns. And if their job is at risk, they deserve to know too.

[SFX: Buttons being dialled on office phone, faint dial-tone, then receiver hung up as the dial-tone switches to speaker]

Riley:

Riley Matkins, Research Team leader, how can I help?

Leo:

Riley, it’s Leo. Can you talk? About… Not work?

Riley:

Not exactly, the office is fairly busy at the moment.

Leo:

Okay, can you listen?

Riley:

Of course, how can I help?

Leo:

Okay so I went to speak to Winona Haig, you know, plant lady?

Riley:

Oh yeah, I’m familiar with the case, carry on.

Leo:

So I’m mid-interview, right? Welcome to the Leo Quinn Talk Show, except today, no today, we’re not interviewing a ghost, nooo, today we have a special surprise guest. Three guesses who the secret celebrity hiding in the wardrobe is?

Riley:

….Has this case been passed on to dispatchers already?

Leo:

Ding ding ding, right on the first guess! Hiding behind curtain number one, Julia Wilde!

Riley:

That… Certainly puts a spanner in the works.

Leo:

Yes. Yes it does and I’m freaking out because what if she talks to Frank, and—

[SFX: Knocking on door]

Leo:

Shit, Riley. Someone’s—

Julia:

(MUFFLED) Leo? You there?

Leo:

It’s Julia, I’ll call you back

[SFX: Button is pushed to end call]

(PITCHILY) Yep! Hi, er, come… in?

[SFX: Door opening slowly, tentative footsteps]

Julia:

Hi.

Leo:

Julia. Hi. Again.

Julia:

Yeah, I… May have some explaining to do. Mind if I sit?

[SFX: Chair being pulled out]

Leo:

Sure you want to risk that? What with me being a possible bad egg and all?

Julia:

What do you— oh. Okay. Right. That’s fair, you went through my locker, found my notebook. I went through your laptop, found your audio diaries. Now we’re even.

Leo:

You what. How?

Julia:

…brokeintoyouroffice

Leo:

What.

Julia:

Broke into your office. Couple of weeks ago. I had good reasons, though, I swear.

Leo:

I’m going to need you to start telling me those reasons right away.

Julia:

Uh, here?

Leo:

Yes, right here, right now, because you’ve been pulling some shady shit Julia and I-

Julia:

Look, Leo, I know, I get it. But not here. (WHISPERING) Frank asked me to remove Montgomery Whitley. He asked me to remove Montgomery Whitley the day before your recorder was ready for him. How do you think he did that, huh?

Leo:

You… You’re saying the office is bugged?

Julia:

I’m saying we can’t rule it out.

Leo:

And you know this because…?

Julia:

I don’t know it, not for sure, it’s just… Listen. We’ve both been suspicious of each other for the same reasons, okay?

Leo:

That why you were spying on me earlier?

Julia:

Actually, no. That’s why I was snooping through your laptop. The spying was mostly just that I wanted to see you in action.

[SFX: Fabric rustle, muffled thump]

Leo? You… Good?

Leo:

(MUFFLED) Yup. Completely fine.

Julia:

I’m trying to tell you we’re on the same side. But for anything deeper than that, you’re going to have to trust me just long enough to go somewhere else to talk about this.

Leo:

(LONG PAUSE) Okay. Okay, yeah. My place.Julia:
Actually, I think my place might be best. There’s someone you should meet that might help you trust me.

Leo:

God help me. Fine. But in case you’re thinking of trying anything, Riley has my Find My Friends.

[SFX: Recording ends]

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Leanne:

Episode Seventeen of Tell No Tales, Leave Me Be, was written and performed by Leanne Egan. You also heard the voices of Phil Thompson as Riley Matkins, Josie Thomas as Winona Haig, and Shannon Kelly as Julia Wilde, who you may recognise from earlier in the season as our mystery spy. If you enjoyed this episode, the best way to support the show is to spread the word. Leaving us a rating and review in your listening app of choice is a huge help, or you can follow us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod Links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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