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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, Episode Eighteen: Promises

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[SFX: Recording Begins, keys turn in a door and the door is opened, followed by footsteps]

Julia:

Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess. Wasn’t expecting guests. Don’t worry about the uh, leaning tower of pizza boxes over there. Heh. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve only kept them specifically to make that pun?

Leo:

Just so you know, I’m recording this. In case you’re thinking of trying anything.

Julia:

Tough crowd. Here, come into the living room. Hopefully this’ll prove… Woah, Leo? You doing alright over there?

Leo:

(TAKING SHAKY, SHALLOW BREATHS) Uh. Julia there’s… You can feel that, right? You can…

Julia:

Shit. Shit shit, of course, I’m an idiot, I should have warned you. It’s okay, he won’t hurt us. Sit down, you need to breathe.

[SFX: Sitting down, fabric rustle]

Okay, here, put your fingers on my wrist, just there, feel my pulse. Breathe with me.

Leo:

(GASPING, EVENTUALLY BREATHING SLOWS A BIT)

Julia:

Oh God, come on Julia, we don’t just spring spirits on people with PTSD. I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I knew you’d been in contact with spirits since… I mean, you’d been doing so well! But of course you’d need warning. Shit. I’m sorry. He’s okay, though. His name’s Jeremy! He makes tea! And he’s a friend. A new friend. I. Uh. I stole him. From a job.

Leo:

(STILL BREATHING HEAVILY) You. What.

Julia:

I mean, I stole his tether. I kinda… Rescued him. He’s, it’s unusual, but not unheard of, right, for a ghost to haunt an object? His tether is a ring. Which made him the only spirit I could save, on the job.

Leo:

Jesus, Julia. What did— Wait. How did you know about my PTSD?

Julia:

Audio diaries, remember?

Leo:

Oh, god. All of them?

Julia:

Just the first… thirteen or so? Including one that was still recording when I found it.

Leo:

Oh god. Oh god. You heard everything.

Julia:

It’s okay! That’s what I’m trying to tell you, we want the same things!

Leo:

The same… Oh. Oh, you mean, about Better Place.

Julia:

Yeah, that’s what Jeremy was supposed to prove! Before the part where I fucked up and you had a panic attack. Look, just… Treat it like any old case file, right? Case number… Oh, it was Becca’s case so BG22, something. Category 2, case status, well, active at the time, but now officially unresolved. His name is Jeremy Baxter, and he died in 2002 from a stroke. That’s pretty much all I remember from the case file actually. Sorry. My bad. But, uh, okay, how’s this, I can tell you about how we met? He was one of my first jobs, like, literally brand new shiny dispatcher, maybe day two or three of actual field work, but I was already starting to feel… Icky about it. But it’s not like I could just up and refuse to remove spirits, right? Because that would only get me fired, and I was no good to anybody fired.

Leo:

That’s a dilemma I’m familiar with.

Julia:

Exactly! But I am a firm believer that any job worth not doing is worth doing badly. Then Jeremy came along. And it was just so easy. Standard haunted house, we split up, took a room each, so I was alone when I felt him in the living room. I felt his presence, and then that pull, toward the ring. I hadn’t even known the ring existed, but I felt drawn to it. I’d studied the phenomenon a lot, during my masters — it’s a big topic in paranormal theology, how a tether, whether it’s a place or an object, affects the physical space the spirit is able to take up, how the spirit interacts with that space — but I mean, yeah, sorry, I just mean, I knew what to look out for. So I dug into the couch and found the ring down the side, but I knew I didn’t have long before the others came back. I could feel him, waiting to see what I’d do, so I just acted on instinct. Was all, “I’m with Better Place, if you don’t want us to destroy you, give me a sign” and the biggest chill I’d ever felt went through me. Like I’d been doused with ice water from the inside. Which was good enough for me, so I lobbed it out the window.

Leo:

You just—

Julia:

Yep, just chucked the bastard. Right into the hedges. We regrouped, did one last sweep of the house, no spirit activity reported. So we left. Wrote it off as a false report, and I snuck back in the night and found the ring in the hedges. Brought him back here. And you can verify that story with him.

Leo:

(MUTTERED) Just one day of peace. (AT A NORMAL VOLUME) Okay. Yeah. I’ll interview him. Just, er. Can I… You’re still holding my hand.

Julia:

Oh. Yep. You can have that back.

[SFX: Fabric rustle]

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins, classical music playing]

Julia:

That was so fucking cool.

Leo:

You haven’t even heard it played back yet.

Julia:

I know but, even just seeing the evidence of him speaking on the EMF Meter, he was just there, chatting to you, how do you ever get used to that? That was so fucking cool!

Leo:

(SMALL LAUGH) Yeah, yeah it is. I don’t know when I started to get used to it, actually. It’s ready though, do you wanna listen?

Julia:

Fuck yeah.

[SFX: Mouse click]

Leo (ON RECORDING):

Okay, so, Jeremy, I guess. (SLIGHTLY HYSTERICALLY) Jeremy. Jeremy, before we get to the bit about you haunting this particular corner of my friend’s living room—

Julia (ON RECORDING):

Awh, you consider me a friend?

Leo (ON RECORDING):

I— That is so not the— I mean, er. Right then. Jeremy. Can you, er, start by just telling me a bit about yourself? The basics, name, date of birth?

Jeremy:

Aye, well, seems like Julia already knew the sum of it. Jeremy Baxter, I was born on the 7th April, 1956, lived in Glasgow most of my life but from what I can tell, my ring was lost down the side of a couch after I died, must have made its way down to London somehow but I wasn’t around for any of that, just wakey wakey, you’re a ghost now, and you’re surrounded by the bloody english. And Londoners no less. Dunnae get much worse than that.

Leo:

Okay, thanks, and can you tell me a bit about your life, or your after-life, up until you met Julia?

Jeremy:

Oh, a simple life really, not all so much to tell. I had a bit of a sordid youth, if I may say so myself, a young man in the seventies, now those would be some stories if I could actually remember half of them (CHUCKLING). But once I met my Alice, we both calmed down a bit. Madly in love we were. Never got hitched, neither of us one for adhering to institutions of the law. It was from her, though, my ring. A gift, a cheap little thing that she got me from the street market when we’d only been seeing each other a couple months. I got her one to match. When we’d been together about, oh, must have been about fifteen years by then, we had them both cast in gold. I died not long after that, actually. If you ask me — and I know I’m no expert sure, but, if you were asking me — I’d say that’s what did it. I’ve had plenty of time to sit and think about it, mind. I reckon I’d just made this commitment, this symbol, right? We’d solidified our rings, made them stronger, more permanent. Promised each other the rest of our lives, then mine ended, and she was still kickin’ about, and that ring represented all the promises I failed on delivering. So it kept me here. Well, no it kept me in some fella’s couch for a few years, then here.

Leo:

And Julia mentioned that she took your tether from the scene after you gave her a sign that you didn’t consent to removal by Better Place. Can you expand on that?

Jeremy:

Aye well being thrown clean out the window wasn’t quite how I was expecting my day to go when I met her. But when she told me what she was there to do, what the others were there to do, asked me to give her a sign and I didn’t know how, I just… I felt myself go cold through with this, oh I don’t know, I suppose with this feeling of being out of time. I didn’t want to go, or die, or whatever ghosts do. I still had shit to get done. Still had to find out what happened to my Alice. And I guess that panic must have done something, something external, because I saw her shudder. She’s one of the good ones, is our Julia. In — from what she’s told me — an otherwise rotten institution. I try to show her my thanks but it’s been… a bit tough. Poor lass wants to help but I cannae communicate with her really. All I can do is manifest a good strong cup of tea in any empty mug nearby, which, sure, is a neat enough trick but it’s hardly a conversation now is it.

Leo:

Okay, thanks for speaking to me Jeremy. Before I turn the recorder off, is there anything you’d like me to pass on to anyone still living? Or just anything more you’d like to say?

Jeremy:

Well, for starters, if you could, I wonder if you could do some research into my partner, my Alice. Alice Turner. Born 24th July 1953. Probably still in Glasgow. We always said we’d never leave. If you can find her, if she’s still about, tell her how much I love her. If not, just anything you can find, about her life after I left, I’d appreciate it. And to you, Julia, it’s been nice to be the one doing the talking for once. (CHUCKLING) I don’t know what she’s like at work, but back here even if I did have a voice I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. I’m joking, of course, mostly. You’ve been keeping me sane, little lass, thank you for that. Oh, and I told you so. You didn’t hear me, but I still told you so. That you had friends at your new job. All those hours complaining that sure, a few people invited you for drinks here and there but nobody you could really call a friend, but here, I knew there were people, people you weren’t seeing just then. And this is the little lamb that’s been stressing you out so much, aye? I can sort of see it, I suppose. Bit too weedy for my taste but I can see you’re the kind to go for that whole mad scientist bit. Doesn’t surprise me that you’re—

[SFX: Fumbling, playback ends with a mouse click]

Julia:

You know, maybe we don’t need to hear any more of that. (GRUMBLING) Snitches get stitches, Jeremy.

Leo:

Oh, you’re really going to sit here and silence a ghost who hasn’t had a voice for almost twenty years? Shame on you, Julia. Shame on y—

Julia:

Don’t you still want an explanation, for the rest of it?

Leo:

…. Okay you got me there, go ahead.

Julia:

So, just to be clear, I didn’t set out to be a, what did you call me, a ghost cop? Gross. I mentioned I have my masters in paranormal theology, didn’t I?

Leo:

Constantly.

Julia:

So, I’ve been working on my PhD. I want to focus on the physical space of the spirit plane. Whether it functions in a similar way, dimensionally, to our plane. Finding out how exactly ghosts take up space, how spirit forms work, and, what happens if, say, two category ones end up tethered to the same place.

Leo:

That… Sorry, but, that sounds like you’re describing inter-planar physics, not paranormal theology.

Julia:

Ugh. It’s an outdated term. Anything that isn’t about finding new and profitable ways to access the spirits, anything that’s just about understanding the spirit plane for understanding’s sake? It’s shoved under the blanket term of paranormal theology. But that’s the point, right? I’m trying to do research in a field that’s hugely underfunded because all the big money is being funneled into projects that directly benefit Better Place. So. It made sense to me to, you know, follow that money. Better Place is pretty guarded with its information, so I thought, I’d get inside, start my research there. But the only job available was the dispatcher job. Which I never thought I’d get in a million years, I was not qualified, I mean you’ve met those other dispatchers, they’ve all got backgrounds in law enforcement, they’re all hench, but I thought I’d do the straight white man thing and go for it anyway. I’d at least get my CV in and maybe they’d put it on retainer for the next, more suitable job that came up. But, no, Frank interviewed me himself, said he’s always been (FRANK VOICE) inclined to trust those with inquisitive minds and unique perspectives on the current scientific theories.

Leo:

So Frank took a special interest in you from the start?

Julia:

No! Ew, you make it sound like I was his weird little protege or something. I mean, he hired me, but after that, I reported directly to HR and to my line manager, we didn’t interact again, at first. But he, er… Well I think he noticed that I was asking too many questions. I couldn’t help it! My first day we had this onboarding seminar, all day getting fed all the corporate rhetoric on why Better Place was the best thing that’s ever happened to this country, and I noticed they were always really vague and euphemistic whenever they mentioned what actually happens to the spirits once we remove them, so I asked, like any normal person would, right? But they were SO cagey about it. So of course then I was even more curious. And every time I asked they got more hostile. And I couldn’t believe nobody was digging into this already. It was such a glaring mystery. Like they’d hung up a neon sign flashing with the words “hey, here’s something we’re being unnecessarily secretive about, don’t worry about it, nothing to see here!” Of course I was going to do some research.

But after a while, I got Frank’s attention. Wasted absolutely no time in reminding me that he can snatch this job from me as easily as he gave it to me. And that he could ruin my academic career too. By exposing the real reason I went for the job in the first place, reporting me for unethical research practices. God knows how he knew that, but, I mean. He’s Frank Williamson. He knows everything he needs to, I suppose. Anyway he gave me the whole pitch, which was basically, I hold your future in my hands like a tiny baby bird, and then asked me to do a small job for him. To remove one category two from Highgate Cemetery. And to tell absolutely nobody. Then I knew something was up. I did, I’m not an idiot. And I had a gut feeling that it all added up to you.

Leo:

Why? Why me? I mean, you were right, but how did it even cross your mind that I was involved?

Julia:

My first day. We went out for drinks. I flirted. You absolutely did not flirt back, it was hilarious, kinda cute. And Riley was clearly trying to be your wing-person. So when they found out I was an academic, they mentioned this project you were working on, some research thing outside of work, to give us some common ground. But when I mentioned it to you, you clammed up. Got that same look on your face that I’d been getting all day, every time I asked a question that someone didn’t want to answer. I knew you were Frank’s assistant, so I put two and two together.

Leo:

Yeah, you put two and two together and got seventy-eight.

Julia:

Well, yeah, I know that now. But you see my logic, right? You’re his assistant. If anyone was going to be his weird little protege, it was going to be you. So when he asked me to do the job for him at the cemetery, I panicked. Asked if I could think about it. He gave me until the end of the day, then went back up to his office. I followed. I didn’t have to wait long, you went right into his office with him, leaving your desk free for me to find the audio files.

Leo:

(GROANS)

Julia:

I don’t get why you’re so embarrassed. All it did was prove to me that you’re one of the good ones. I wanted to side with you. I didn’t know what beef Frank had with Montgomery Whitley but I knew that if there were two sides here, yours was the one I wanted to be on. But I still couldn’t say no to Frank, could I? So I decided I’d do it. I’d do it, if nothing else, to investigate further. Frank sent me out that night, gave me instructions to remove Mr. Whitley and take him straight to the warehouse. And I thought, maybe, that there was an opportunity there. It was the middle of the night, the warehouse would be empty, maybe I’d be able to stash him somewhere for you to question later. But Frank was there waiting for me when I arrived. I just had to… hand him over. But I promise, it wasn’t something I intended to do, you have to believe that. I want to help you. I think what you’re doing is a really good thing, Leo. I want in. Please, trust me.

Leo:

Against all my better judgment, I think I do trust you Julia.

[SFX: Recording ends]

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Leanne:

Episode Eighteen of Tell No Tales, Promises, was written and performed by Leanne Egan. You also heard the voices of Shannon Kelly as Julia Wilde, and Asher Amor-Train as Jeremy Baxter. If you enjoyed this episode, the best way to support the show is to spread the word. Leaving us a rating and review in your listening app of choice is a huge help, or you can follow us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod Links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes.Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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