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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, Episode Twenty-Three: The Warehouse

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[SFX: Recording Begins]

Leo:

You’re sure we’re good to just park here? Like, in full view, if he comes back?

Julia:

He won’t come back, he’s never here past two, and having the car is a good safety net if we do need to make a quick getaway

Leo:

Sure, that sounds not terrifying.

Riley:

It’s not, look at all our weaponry, Julia’s got us all kitted out. Nothing to fear here.

[SFX: Car doors opening, then closing]

Leo:

Yeah we’re not gonna actually… Need all this stuff are we?

Julia:

Hopefully not. Most of it anyway. The walkie-talkies will definitely come in useful. The spirit proof vests are mostly just a precaution and also they kinda just look cool, right?

Leo:

And the… guns?

Julia:

It’s not a gun, Leo, it’s how we capture spirits. It shoots nanoparticles at a velocity that allows them to pierce the spirit plane, they latch onto a spirit then, when the stasis capsule is opened, the magnetic charge inside the capsule pulls the spirit into it along with the particles. Won’t do much damage to a living person but if we need to, they make enough noise to scare someone off so we can make a break for it.

Leo:

Okay. Okay. That’s…. slightly less terrifying.

Riley:

And what’s the rest?

Julia:

(AUDIBLY SMILING) This is for the door.

Leo:

I don’t like how happy that makes her.

Riley:

I kinda do. Ar, come on, let’s go Mystery Inc. Oooh, tag yourself, I’m Daphne.

[SFX: Footsteps]

Riley:

(MUTTERED) Nope? Nothing? Okay, guess I’m scrappy then.

Julia:

There’s basically no security on the outer door. Standard lock but I…

[SFX: Keys jangling]

Julia:

Have the key.

Riley:

How-

Julia:

Got a copy made when Frank asked me to bring him Whitley.

Riley:

Christ, she’s got even less self-preservation than you, Leo

[SFX: Door unlocking, then opening]

Julia:

Gets the job done. After you.

[SFX: Footsteps that turn echoey]

[Ambience: Eerie music fades in]

Riley:

Well, it’s definitely a warehouse. Don’t quite know what I was expecting.

Leo:

I always thought it’d be bigger.

Riley:

I mean, technically it is, that’s the point.

Leo:

You know what I mean. I always forget how small the stasis capsules are. It just… doesn’t compute that a whole human spirit can be stored in like, what, a six inch metal tube?

Julia:

Yeah it’s fucked up. Theory is, if the spirit is compacted enough, it becomes… physical enough to be constrained by the capsule. Here’s the door that Frank came out of, stay back okay?

Leo:

Do I want to know why?

Riley:

Probably not but we should absolutely do what the crazy lady says.

[SFX: Explosion, metal shrapnel clanging across the room]

Riley:

Jesus f— Er, you good, Leo? Oh no, you’re into this aren’t you? Mark you down as scared and horny.

Leo:

(VOICE BREAKING) shut up.

Julia:

You two coming or what?

Riley:

(LOUDLY) Oh, they’re coming.

Leo:

Shut up!

[SFX: Hurried footsteps]

Julia:

Huh. Just looks like an office. Small too.

Leo:

Didn’t you say you saw huge amounts of storage space through the open door?

Julia:

Yeah, yeah I did. To see them from where I stood, they must have been… Here. But.

Leo:

That’s just a wall.

Julia:

Yes, I see that it’s just a wall, thank you.

Riley:

Oh come on. You’re not fooled by that are you?

Julia:

What?

Riley:

When is a wall not a wall?

Leo:

I don’t think that’s a—

Riley:

When it’s actually a super secret passage way.

Leo:

(LONG PAUSE) Did you think pulling on that book was going to make the super secret passageway open?

Riley:

Okay so the specific lever was an error in judgement but there’s got to be something here, right? Julia saw a whole other warehouse beyond this room so…

[SFX: Rummaging]

Riley:

Haha, look at that, here!

Julia:

Secret button under the framed art print, of course, wow Frank such a cliche.

Leo:

That’s… Not a print.

Julia:

Oh, yep, no that’s an original John William Waterhouse. Of course it is

[SFX: A door mechanism coming heavily away from the wall in which it was set]

Julia:

(SLIGHTLY HYSTERICALLY) And of course the button opens a secret door to a secret warehouse, why the fuck not.

Leo:

I wish I could say I was surprised but after seven years of working for Frank….

[SFX: Footsteps]

Leo:

Woah.

Riley:

This has to be what you saw, right?

Julia:

Yep.

Leo:

This place is huge. Shelves and shelves of stasis capsules. I can’t even fathom how many spirits must be stored here.

Julia:

(DISTANTLY) Uh, guys? There’s a lift.

Riley:

Fuck no.

Leo:

You aren’t seriously backing out now are you?

Riley:

Creepy lift that leads to god knows where, not a fucking chance.

Leo:

Nope, no. Get in there. We have come too far and put too much on the line to not find out what’s on the other end of that lift.

Julia:

They’re right, don’t be a chicken Ri.

Leo:

Yeah, Ri, don’t be a-

Riley:

You shut your mouth. Fine. Push the fucking button.

[SFX: Metal doors open, then close lift rumbles into movement]

Julia:

Are they…

Leo:

They have a thing with lifts it’s okay. Hey, Riley, breathe with me?

Riley:

I’m fine. I’m fine, just—

[SFX: Doors open with a ding]

Oh look we’re here, let’s see what’s in the creepy fucking basement shall we?

Leo:

That’s… A lot of corridors.

Julia:

Yep, we’ve gotta-

Leo:

Do not suggest we split up right now.

Julia:

What did you think the walkie talkies were for?

Leo:

Absolute emergencies?

Riley:

Nah, she’s right, we can cover more ground this way. Take some photos of whatever we find. Regroup after.

Julia:

Exactly. Leo, you go right, Riley, left, and I’ll go forward. Never straight.

[SFX: Footsteps heading in three different directions]

Leo:

(STEADYING BREATHS) Thinks she can just wink at me like that and it’ll be totally fine that she’s sending me off into a terrifying basement labyrinth alone.

Julia:

(ON WALKIE) Sound off gang, just want to make sure these are working, over.

Riley:

(ON WALKIE) Roger Roger, all good on my end, over.

[SFX: Walkie beeps]

Leo:

Yeah, same here. Er. Over.

Okay, let’s see what’s behind door number one. Oh. It’s just… Filing cabinets? Sure. I’m okay with that.

[SFX: Drawer opens, paper rummaging]

Case files, looks like. Old ones. Really old ones. 19th century stuff.

[SFX: Drawer closes]

Okay, let’s try some other rooms. Maybe this is all just case files that correspond to the spirits upstairs. That wouldn’t be so bad.

[SFX: Footsteps, door opens, drawer opens, more rummaging]

Yep. Same again. Dated few decades later.

[SFX: Walkie beeps]

Hey, you guys finding anything interesting? I’ve mostly just got case files. Going to stash a few for evidence. Anything different on your ends? Oh, er, over.

Julia:

(ON WALKIE) Looks like…. A lot of tools and things down here. A few rooms all look like workspaces, like… he’s building stuff? Techy stuff. It’s not my area of expertise, don’t really get what I’m looking at, but I’m getting photos. Over

[SFX: Long pause, then walkie beeps]

Leo:

Riley?

[Ambience: Eerie music intensifies]

Riley:

(ON WALKIE, SHAKILY). Uh, yeah, so, what does a ghost feel like again? Like a skin-crawling, goosebumps, shiver-up-your-spine, phantom eyes on your back kinda feeling right?

[SFX: Walkie beeps]

Leo:

Y-yeah, that’s it, why?

Julia:

(ON WALKIE) Riley? You good?

Riley:

So there’s an appalling number of… looks like labs? Like the science labs in school but shinier and better funded. And… Every single one of them has had a spirit in- oh fucking shit nope no no what the fuck was that. Nope.

Julia:

Riley!

Leo:

(OVERLAPPING) Riley- Christ Uh—

[SFX: Walkie beeps]

Leo:

Riley, where are you?

Riley:

(ON WALKIE) There’s… there’s no such thing as ectoplasm, right? Like, that’s just a sci-fi thing, you’ve never heard of an actual ghost giving off ectoplasm have you?

Julia:

(ON WALKIE) Heading back to the lift now.

[SFX: Walkie beeps]

Leo:

No, Riley, I’ve never heard of that. I’m… Yeah, I’m heading back too, please just tell us where you are.

Riley:

(ON WALKIE, SHAKILY) Er, take a left at the lift and then I’m… shit. Shit I think there’s something…

Leo:

Julia, let’s…

Riley:

(DISTANT SCREAM)

Julia:

(NO LONGER ON WALKIE) Run? Yep.

[SFX: Footsteps running down the corridor, clattering sounds getting closer]

[SFX: Wet, writhing movement, low whispering and growls]

Julia:

What the fuck is that?

Leo:

I… I think that’s a…

Riley:

All due respect, Leo, pretty please don’t have a panic attack right now, I know you don’t exactly get a say in the matter but this thing kind of has me backed into a corner here and… Oh, fuck it doesn’t look happy. I’m gonna die here. I can’t die here. What would Sarah Michelle Gellar do, what would Sarah Michelle Gellar do?

[SFX: Creature gives a low, rumbling growl]

[SFX: Fumbling, then clicking]

Julia:

Is now really the time for the recorder?

Leo:

This is what I do. (LOUDER) Oi!

[SFX: Wet writhing movement pauses]

Leo:

Yeah, yeah you, you. Leave my friend alone.

[SFX: Wet writhing movement redoubles, getting closer, along with a low growl]

Leo:

Yeah? Yes, you. Okay. Keep looking at me, keep looking at me. Talk to me. What… Who are you? You’re a spirit? Of some kind?

[SFX: Eerie whispers, low ghostly screeching and a rumbling growl]

Julia:

Leo…

Leo:

I’m okay. How can I see you… How can I see you? If you’re a spirit? And why do you look… Like that?

[SFX: Eerie whispers intensify, moderate ghostly screeching and another more intense growl]

Riley:

Leo stop, this thing could really hurt you…

[SFX: Sorry, it’s even more wet writhing sounds as the thing turns its head]

Leo:

Keep looking at me. What are you doing in this lab? What does Frank have to do with this?

[SFX: Furious growl, loud eerie whispers, and severe ghostly screeching]

Julia:

Way to piss it off, Leo!

[SFX: Gunshot]

Riley:

(CRIES OUT)

Leo:

Riley!

Julia:

Shit, Riley, you’re hurt! Did I hit you?

Riley:

I’m okay, it’s… shooting it did something. I think it broke part of it off, it just, grazed me on the way out I think. I’m fine, keep shooting it. Us too, Leo, get your gun out.

[SFX: Multiple gunshots]

Julia:

It’s getting…

Leo:

Smaller. How is it getting smaller?

[SFX: Multiple gunshots]

Julia:

These guns don’t have many shots in them guys. They’re designed for ghost removal, one shot normally does the trick.

Riley:

We keep going until we run out…

[SFX: Multiple gunshots]

Riley:

And then we figure it out from there.

Julia:

Mine’s empty.

[SFX: Single gunshot]

Riley:

Yep, me too.

Leo:

I think I’ve got one more. Riley. Can you get around it to the door if I keep its attention?

Riley:

I think so, but…

Leo:

Do it.

[Ambience: Intense music fades in]

Riley:

Leo…

Leo:

It’s smaller and slower now. I think… I can draw its attention long enough for you to run, then shoot it and run myself. Can… Julia, can you grab my recorder on your way out? I might not have time, it’s just on the side there.

Julia:

Got it.

Leo:

Okay, run.

[SFX: Hurried footsteps, single gunshot, loud screech then more footsteps and a scramble to close the door, with a loud thump coming from the other side immediately afterwards. More footsteps as Leo catches up]

Julia and Riley:

Leo!

Leo:

Keep running, I closed the door but…

Julia:

Got it.

Riley:

Big fan of the running.

[SFX: Lift doors open, then close, lift moves upwards]

Riley:

Suddenly not hating this lift so much….

Leo:

(QUIETLY LAUGHING, SLOWLY BECOMING MORE HYSTERICAL)

Julia:

They’re losing it

[SFX: Lift doors open]

Riley:

Yeah.

Leo:

Sorry. Sorry. (LAUGHS AGAIN). Just. What the fuck was that. What was that? And could it have been a more horrifying manifestation of my personal trauma if it fucking tried? (STILL LAUGHING)

Julia:

(SMALL LAUGH). Yeah, they’re losing it. But they have every right to. Leo you beautiful bastard. you were amazing down there.

Leo:

Oh that? That was just a Tuesday. Oh, the recorder! Did you get it?

Julia:

Yep, here, don’t worry.

Leo:

Julia, you’re the beautiful bastard.

Julia:

You flatter me.

Riley:

Okay, so I’ll just bleed out while you two do some post-whatever-the-hell-that-was flirting, right? Shall I?

Leo:

Crap, Riley, you got hurt! Can I see?

Riley:

I’m (WINCES) I’m alright, I was kidding about the bleeding out part.

Leo:

That doesn’t look great. Julia, can you…

Julia:

Yeah, that… I mean, you’re right, you’re not about to bleed out, but it’s definitely… weird looking. Looks nasty.

Riley:

Just my shoulder, can’t be that bad, right?

Leo:

We should still get it patched up.

Julia:

Yeah, we have no idea what that thing was, we should at least disinfect it or something.

Frank:

(APPEARING OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE) Yes, that would be wise.

Julia:

Fucking hell.

Riley:

(OVERLAPPING) Shit.

Leo:

(OVERLAPPING) Jesus christ.

Frank:

(CHEERILY) Oh, should I make some exclamation of surprise, too? After all, this is my building, only accessible through a door that I alone have the code to. Though, I suppose I got all my surprise out of the way when I saw that the door in question had been blown to pieces. You understand these kinds of things have security systems, yes? Seems like three intelligent people like yourselves might have worked that one out sooner and perhaps we’d all be a little less surprised right now.

Leo:

No. No way. (LOUDER, AND A BIT UNHINGED) Frank. I’m done. I’m done kissing up to you and being scared of you and managing your fucking calendar. You don’t get to act all calm and collected right now when we’ve just seen whatever the hell it is you’ve been doing down there. What was that?!

Frank:

You’ll have to be more specific than that, Leonardo.

Leo:

The GIANT SLIME MONSTER, FRANK. The giant slime monster that felt like a spirit but that couldn’t have possibly been a spirit, could it? Could it? Because spirits aren’t ever visible. And they don’t… produce… ectoplasm, or, scream while you tear them apart, right?

Frank:

You tore them apart?

Julia:

So incredibly not the point.

Frank:

I think you’ll find it’s very much relevant, Ms. Wilde. Why don’t you three go back to the office for a while? There is a fairly comprehensive first aid kit in my office, take a moment, regroup while I deal with whatever carnage you’ve left behind downstairs.

Julia:

And why would we do that?

Frank:

Because, once I’m done here, I’ll answer your questions.

Leo:

And why would you do that?

Frank:

Because, Leonardo. You might be done with me, but I am not done with you. And I think you’ll find we can both be very valuable to each other.

[SFX: Distant growling and crashing]

Frank:

Though, for any more extensive an explanation, you are simply going to have to wait until I’ve dealt with that.

[SFX: Lift doors open, then close, lift moves downwards]

Julia:

No way. I can see you considering it, Leo, and it’s a bad idea.

Leo:

I know, I know it is okay? It’s just— Riley. Riley, are you?

[SFX: Fabric rustle as Riley slumps]

Julia:

Woah, woah, we’ve got you buddy. You’re okay.

Leo:

(STRAINED) Julia?

Julia:

Okay. Okay, yeah, let’s get them back to the office. Get them bandaged up and… And if we need to we can stick around long enough to hear Frank explain what it was that hurt them, and how to help them. But that’s it.

Leo:

Okay. Okay, yeah. Let’s go.

[SFX: Recording ends]

Closing theme begins

Leanne:

Episode Twenty-Three of Tell No Tales, The Warehouse, was written and performed by Leanne Egan. You also heard the voices of Shannon Kelly as Julia, Phil Thompson as Riley, and Asher Amor-Train as Frank Williamson. If you enjoyed this episode, the best way to support the show is to spread the word. Leaving us a rating and review in your listening app of choice is a huge help, or you can follow us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod Links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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