LEANNE

Hi everyone, this is Leanne popping in with an important note about this episode. I’ve had the idea for a Eurovision-centred episode for some time now, and at the time, I couldn’t imagine writing that episode without some mention of the first trans woman to win Eurovision. However, this woman was representing Israel, and her Zionist views have since been brought to my attention.

I’ve removed all direct mentions of her name from the finished episode, and I ask that you take a look at the show notes, where I’ve included information about some queer Palestinian musicians that I’d like to highlight instead.

Israel is using pink-washing to attempt to justify their genocide of Palestinian people, and we cannot allow this to go unchallenged. There are additional resources linked in the show notes for anyone who’d like to read more on this.

Eurovision itself is currently being boycotted for its refusal to condemn this genocide, and I’d like to state that, while my love for Eurovision was clear in this script when I wrote it last year, I wholeheartedly support this boycott.

We will see Palestine free in our lifetimes, but we will not achieve that by staying silent. Thank you for listening.

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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode ten: Inherently Punk.

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[SFX: Recording begins. Classical music playing.]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, uh, I guess, scientist, of some sort, to Frank Williamson. Everything’s feeling a bit less dire than it was last week, thankfully. I’ve been seeing a lot more of Frank these last few days, I think he’s really taken my feelings on board, which is… honestly, surprising. He keeps saying I shouldn’t be surprised, that he’s been looking out for me since before this whole take-down-Better-Place thing even started, but I’m not sure I see that.

But regardless, he’s been oddly respectful recently. When he’s in the labs tinkering with the mobile tethering technology, he’s always careful to keep the door open. When I pass he calls me in, explains what he’s doing, asks me about my day. Unless it’s all some kind of elaborate ruse, and I genuinely don’t think it is, he doesn’t seem to have harmed any more spirits since I told him to stop. So that’s something.

I’ve been hanging out in the labs a lot recently too, trying to analyse the data I took from the recently removed spirit in Camden. We’re getting a little from it, but not as much as I’d hoped. But Frank flagged something today, something that could be really vital to our research. It was escalated to him because nobody had any idea how to deal with it, and he placed it on hold so that I could go and investigate. And it’s… definitely worth investigating.

Case SM#2343, Category Unknown, Case Status: On hold.

So this started off as a fairly normal case. A haunting was reported at an arena in Birmingham, and mostly the reports are of cold, hostile feelings during some of the artists’ performances. Which should be terrifying, but surveyors were sent out to the arena and found no evidence of hostility during their visit.

It was placed on a bit of a back burner because of what the surveyors found when taking their EMF readings. There seems to be significant evidence of two spirits residing in the space. The notes on the file make it clear that there’s no way to know this for sure – this is basically unheard of, or at least if it has happened in the past, it’s entirely un-reported in modern literature. Paranormal Theologists have been theorising for years what this might look like, but it’s all just theory.

So they had it on hold while they figured out what to do with it, but then someone from the arena called back to add that there have since been reports of music blaring from the speakers out of hours, and that they would like to put a rush on the case. Which is when research panicked and escalated it. So, who better than me to find out what’s happening here? EMF data can only give us so much. The EMF data the surveyors took is interesting, and I’ll be looking into that in way more detail later, but it can’t beat a spirit’s first-hand account of what it’s like to share a tether space.

So, I’ll be catching the train up to Birmingham first thing. I don’t even have to lie or anything, Frank himself has told the staff at the arena to expect me, he’s introduced me as a specialist surveyor. Which… honestly, I like a lot. Maybe that’ll be my new sign-on. Audio diary of Leo Quinn, Specialist Surveyor. Hm. Yeah. Anyway, more tomorrow!

[SFX: Recording begins]

LEO

Alright, so I’m all set up. Hi there, to the person or people tethered to this space. It’s a really big space so sorry if this is inconvenient, I thought sitting on the stage might be the best bet. My name’s Leo, and I’m kind of with Better Place, but not really. I’m not here to remove you, I’m here to check in, make sure you’re doing okay. I’ve had reports that you might be sharing this space, and we suspect that’s not the most comfortable living arrangement for spirits.

[SFX: Recorder clicks on]

Can anyone who’s here please introduce themselves?

ROSE

Hi Leo! I’m Rose-

SEB

(OVERLAPPING) Nice to meet you, mate, my name’s Seb.

LEO

Woah, okay-

ROSE

Oh, so you’re just jumping in first, as usual.

SEB

What, just because you died first you think you get some kind of priority is that it?

LEO

Uhh, can we do one at a time, if that’s ok? I think I got Rose and Seb, is that right?

ROSE

Unfortunately, yes.

SEB

(OVERLAPPING) Yeah, that’s right.

ROSE

So can you like, get rid of him?

SEB

It’s her you should be getting rid of, she’s had her time, I’m new here.

LEO

Like I said, I’m not here to get rid of anyone. I’m just here to talk. But that feels like it’s going to prove difficult. Can we start with you, Rose? Since Seb said you died first, can you tell me when that was?

ROSE

Sure! I died in… I think 2012-ish? It’s a bit fuzzy. But I think that’s right. And I was doing just fine here on my own.

LEO

Okay, and can I ask why you were tethered here?

SEB

She’ll tell you about it whether you ask or not.

ROSE

Oh, that’s rich coming from Mr. Silent Broody Type over there, someone’s got to make the conversation if we’re stuck here for eternity.

SEB

Not sure if the entire history of the Eurovision Song Contest in excruciating detail counts as conversation, but-

ROSE

Oh, and what does count? You talking about your favourite bands as if everybody who’s ever listened to a pop-song is oh so inferior?

SEB

I never said that.

LEO

Sorry, sorry, just- Rose, please tell me why you’re here? Seb, we’ll get to you in a second, i promise.

ROSE

(A LITTLE SMUG) Thank you, Leo. So I’m here because this was the place where I had the best night of my life. I’ve always just adored Eurovision, right? I mean, who doesn’t?

SEB

So many people.

ROSE

(IGNORING HIM) -I mean, it’s cheesy, it’s trashy, it’s beautiful, it’s fun. I remember watching it as a kid, dancing in front of the little box TV like it was a live concert just for me. I remember back in 1981, not long after my parents moved us here, the UK won with Making Your Mind Up by Buck’s Fizz. And it was just so joyful and so catchy, and I was so little, I think it might have rearranged my DNA. Just made me this brighter, sillier person for the rest of my life.

I begged my parents to take me to see it when the UK hosted the next year, but we couldn’t afford it. The UK didn’t host again until 1998, but by then, I was a full-grown adult who could spend my money however I pleased. This is where the 1998 Eurovision finals were hosted, and god, it was everything I could have wished for. The atmosphere was glorious, everything and everyone sparkled, the joy was contagious, and I can’t even describe the feeling of being there, in the room, when the first openly trans contestant won Eurovision, and it felt like I was watching a whole generation of trans kids just like me dancing in front of their TVs and-

SEB

(OVERLAPPING) Wait, you’re trans?

ROSE

Uh, yeah, you got a problem with that?

SEB

No, you idiot, I’m trans too.

ROSE

(A LITTLE OFF-GUARD) Oh. Really?

SEB

Yeah, it’s like, the whole reason I’m into punk in the first place.

LEO

I’m sorry, you two have been trapped in this space together for how long now?

SEB

About four years.

ROSE

Too long.

LEO

Right, and in four years, you haven’t once had a proper conversation about yourselves, gotten to know each other?

ROSE

He’s always too busy going on and on about how he can’t believe he’s trapped in this corporate arena with me.

SEB

Yeah, and you’re too busy spending the few gigs I actually enjoy listing off “fun facts” about Eurovision just to piss me off.

ROSE

Yeah, ’cause it’s funny.

LEO

Alright, well now’s your chance, ok? We know why Rose is here, Seb, if you’ve been here four years, you must have died in 2019 is that right?

SEB

2018. But I didn’t really feel myself hanging around here until a while later, I think.

LEO

So, why are you tethered here then?

SEB

Well, Rose isn’t wrong, I am a little bitter about ending up here, if I’m being honest. I saw some fantastic gigs here, this is where I fell in love with music, just as I was discovering how live music, how getting lost in a crowd, could make you feel like you were part of something bigger.

But this isn’t where I found my people. I found my people in basement bars and grungy little venues scattered across the country. In punk shows and circle pits. Not corporate arenas.

LEO

It makes a little sense. If the venues you visited later in life were scattered, then the effect they have on your spirit is minimised. I spoke to a spirit who was tethered to a train station because her friends and family were all spread out across the country. Maybe because you came here so often when you were younger, this is the place that left the biggest individual impression, even though the other venues were more impactful collectively.

ROSE

Or maybe he’s just here to judge other people’s music taste, seems like something he’d want to spend his afterlife doing.

SEB

I never judged anyone, or implied that pop music was lesser. I only ever meant that there just wasn’t a place for me there. I was never comfortable in mainstream society, so why should I listen to their music? The punk scene let me be myself, pop music just didn’t allow for that.

ROSE

What could be more punk than carving a place for yourself in a scene that society tells you isn’t for you?

SEB

That’s… I can’t argue with that, actually.

LEO

Weird question, but have either of you ever heard of Maneskin?

ROSE

Who?

SEB

Can’t say I have.

LEO

I mean, makes sense, you were both dead by then. But they won Eurovision a couple years back, I think they’d be a nice middle-ground for both your tastes.

ROSE

Ooh, I can make it come out the speakers if you get the song up! If It’s a ghost thing apparently, it’s easier if I know the song, but if it’s playing already I’m sure I can figure it out.

SEB

Yeah, it’s not a ghost thing. Only she can do it, not me. And she abuses it.

LEO

Alright, well maybe this will work out for both of you. Hold on, let me just pause this.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins]

SEB

Okay that… wasn’t half bad.

ROSE

(SMUG AS ALL HELL) He loved it. He forgets I can literally feel him. We’re ghosts sharing a space, dumbass, I know these things.

LEO

Wait, you can?

SEB

Yeah I can sort of… sense her, it’s weird. I can get an idea of how she’s feeling, if she’s feeling strongly about something. I can feel her in the space, moving around. Which is very strange, since it’s also my space.

LEO

But you can’t see each other?

ROSE

Not really. He doesn’t really have a body, and I kinda had one, before he showed up, but him being here kind of messed me up a bit, it’s like we’re both… I don’t know, like, more vapour than person.

SEB

You had a body before I got here?

ROSE

Well yeah. I couldn’t really do anything with it. But I could like, see my hands and stuff. I felt more together than I do now.

SEB

Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought you were just pissed at me for showing up, and it’s not like I could help it. But I didn’t know.

ROSE

It’s ok. Like you said, it’s not like you could help it. Just be less of a dick, okay? And I might be tempted to let it slide.

SEB

Only if you promise to stop blasting Eurotrash at three in the morning.

ROSE

I can promise to blast it… less often? And maybe I’ll take requests from time to time.

SEB

Really? I could… Oh man, there’s so many songs I could show you.

ROSE

You’ll have to sing ’em first though, so I know what to play.

SEB

I don’t sing.

ROSE

I don’t make the rules, that’s how the ghost magic works. You’ll have to sing for your supper, dead boy.

SEB

You have no idea what you’re inflicting on yourself, ghost girl.

ROSE

(LAUGHING) Try me.

LEO

Uh, sorry to… interrupt. I’ll leave you both in a minute. I just want to… uh, this is hard to talk about. But the whole business with you losing your body is kind of why I’m here. We’re not sure how the spirit plane reacts to two spirits in one place, but we don’t think it’s good. It doesn’t look like it’s an emergency, so that’s good. I’m going to come back from time to time to check in on you, but my theory is that this situation can’t last forever.

ROSE

What does that mean?

SEB

(OVERLAPPING) So one of us has got to go?

LEO

Well, hopefully not. We’re working on some stuff at the minute, ways to move spirits on, ways to tether spirits to new places, ways to stabilise the spirit plane. It doesn’t look like either of you are in immediate danger, so hopefully, by the time it does become a problem, we’ll have options.

SEB

Right. Okay. Options.

ROSE

I can work with options.

LEO

Okay, good. Like I said, I’ll be back. I can keep Better Place off your backs for now, if you’re both happy to stay? (LONG PAUSE WHILE NEITHER SEB NOR ROSE ARE WILLING TO BE THE FIRST TO SPEAK)

ROSE

Well, I’m not going anywhere. I was here first.

SEB

And I’ve got to at least stick around to hear about this trans woman who won Eurovision. You really buried the lede with that one, Rose.

ROSE

Oh, really? Because I thought Eurovision wasn’t punk enough for you.

SEB

Transness is inherently punk!

ROSE

That’s what I’ve been trying to say!

LEO

Okay, well, I’m going to go then. You uh… (A LITTLE TEASING) You two kids have fun.

ROSE

Excuse me?

SEB

(OVERLAPPING) What’s that supposed to mean?

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins, traffic ambience]

LEO

Just some quick notes now that I’m not in the same room as those two any more. I really don’t think the spirit plane can hold up to them both being tethered in the same space for long. But I really want to avoid moving them if I can. I really think they were just starting to… well, they seem to be getting on a little better. Quite well, actually, if what I was picking up on back there was right. So, I’ll see if Frank can pull some strings and keep the case on indefinite hold. At least until we’ve figured some stuff out. We’ll see what happens then.

[SFX: Recording ends]

Closing theme begins

Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, Lily Yasuda as Rose, and Jack Larus as Seb. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you’d let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Rebekah B. for your incredibly generous support of this season. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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