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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Sixteen: Love is Stored in the Carpet Burn.

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[SFX: Gentle pop music plays in the background, footsteps as Leo approaches]

LEO

(A LITTLE HARRIED) Hi, sorry, I promise I didn’t sleep in, I had to go collect my recorder from someone’s house this morning.

RILEY

You’re fine.

[SFX: Riley locks their phone and puts it down]

I’ve only just been freed from Frank’s tests anyway.

LEO

All done?

[SFX: Leo removes their coat and hangs it up]

RILEY

For now. He couldn’t do his stupid sleep trial last night.

LEO

Oh, how come?

RILEY

Couldn’t get into a deep enough sleep. Maybe my subconcious knows he’s a prick. It’s hard to willingly fall asleep around someone who’s pretty much your worst enemy.

LEO

Right. That makes sense. But he’s done everything else?

RILEY

Yeah, full medical check-up, as if he’s an actual doctor or some shit. Plus some secret tests. He waved a few devices at me, wouldn’t fucking tell me what they were.

LEO

Probably just chasing every avenue, right?

RILEY

Mmmm. So how’s Julia holding up?

LEO

Honestly? She’s thriving. She’s thrown herself into the spirit plane problem head-first. I think she’s having the time of her life.

RILEY

Yeah, God help us all when her PhD actually gets approved. She’s going to be completely unhinged. To like, a clinical degree.

LEO

As long as she’s having fun. (PAUSE) I wanted to ask, actually. If… if you and her, uh… I took some EMF measurements of Noah’s stasis capsule this morning, just to get a read on when he might be stable enough to speak to again, and I think he’s bounced back earlier than expected. I was wondering if you… I mean, only if you want to, but… you could.

RILEY

Leo, Noah was like a brother to me too. Of course I want to speak to him. Are you asking about Julia too?

LEO

Yeah, she helped pick me up off the floor the other day, it’s only fair that she gets to meet the reason behind it.

RILEY

Suppose. (YELLING) JULIA?

LEO

Jesus, she’s- we could just knock on the door, she’s only in lab three, it’s literally right there.

JULIA

(DISTANTLY, BUT EQUALLY LOUDLY) YEAH?

RILEY

C’MERE.

LEO

Christ.

JULIA

WHY?

LEO

Christ’s sake.

[SFX: Footsteps, door opening]

LEO

I’m going to speak to Noah again. I was wondering if you might want to meet him.

JULIA

Hell yeah! Now?

LEO

(NERVOUS) Mhm.

JULIA

Let’s do it!

LEO

This way. I’ve got his stasis capsule locked away, but the mobile tether’s all set up. Just in here.

[SFX: Door opening, footsteps, cabinet being unlocked]

LEO

(TAKES A DEEP, STEADYING BREATH)

RILEY

Whenever you’re ready, Leo. Only if you’re good.

LEO

I am. I’m okay.

[SFX: Recorder turns on, the usual ghost whooshing noise can be heard]

Thanks.

[SFX: Stasis capsule opening]

NOAH

Woah, I’m back. That didn’t feel like long. Was it… How long was it?

LEO

Not long at all, about four days. You bounced back sooner than expected, but the same thing still applies, if you feel yourself-

NOAH

MATKINS! How are you doing, kid?

LEO

(QUIETLY) Yeah, that checks out.

RILEY

I’m good, Noah. I’m- fucking hell, you’re just- I’m speaking to you. I’m actually speaking to you.

NOAH

Still swearing like a sailor, I see. I might be dead but some things never change.

RILEY

Damn fucking right they don’t.

NOAH

And who’s this?

JULIA

I’m Julia. Friend of Leo’s. It’s really nice to meet you!

NOAH

Julia, ey? I see.

JULIA

Oh? What do you see?

LEO

Yeah, Noah. What do you see? Bearing in mind before you answer that I am holding your stasis capsule in my hands.

NOAH

(LAUGHS) Good attempt at sounding menacing, kid, but don’t look so stressed, I was just going to tell Julia how nice it is to see a new face after all these years.

LEO

Yeah, sure you were.

NOAH

Glad you saw sense, Leo.

LEO

I didn’t- we’re just-

NOAH

No, I mean about speaking to your friends again. Last time we talked things were looking a bit grim for you. I’m glad you’ve got your people back.

LEO

Oh. Yeah. Me too.

RILEY

Took them long enough.

NOAH

Yeah I got that impression.

LEO

Why do you always assume it’s my fault?

JULIA

It a hundred percent was your fault, though.

NOAH

Ha! Knew it.

LEO

I’m regretting introducing you guys already.

NOAH

And Matkins never lost their accent, hear that Leo? I mean, it could be stronger, but that’s defo still a scouser. Shame on you, kid, shame. on. you.

RILEY

Leo always cares too much about fitting in.

NOAH

Course they do. Who wants to do that?

RILEY

That’s what I’ve been telling them!

LEO

Guys.

NOAH

Fine, fine, I’ll drop it for now. But if you ever manage to convince mum to let me visit, I’m sure her and dad will have plenty to say on the accent front.

LEO

Oh, believe me, they do.

NOAH

Great, then I’ll save the tag-teaming for some other time then. So Julia! Tell me about yourself, how did you and Leo meet?

JULIA

Kind of a long story, but I’m trying to get my PhD funded, sort of… infiltrated Better Place in the process.

RILEY

She makes it sound cooler than actually it is. She just straight up got herself a job there. Like perfectly above board.

JULIA

Okay, but I infiltrated them! And on my first day, Riley invited me out for drinks, and Leo came along.

NOAH

Oh, Leo drinks now? I remember when they started uni, it was fresher’s week and they were calling me from their uni room while all their mates were out slamming trebles.

RILEY

Leo had mates in uni?

LEO

I’m having such a great time right now.

JULIA

I mean uh, they did get very drunk off… What was it, maybe three strawberry dacquiris?

LEO

(EMBARRASSED) I don’t think it was strawberry dacquiris.

RILEY

Oh it for sure was, we have audio diary evidence.

NOAH

Y’know, I shouldn’t be surprised, if Leo drinks anything, it’s bound to be fruity.

LEO

Noah!

NOAH

What? It’s not an insult, it’s factually correct, and also an excellent pun.

RILEY

You are a raging fruit, Leo. No shame in it, who among us isn’t?

NOAH

Even I’ve been known to sample the fruits of a variety of baskets in my life.

LEO

What?

NOAH

Hey, when can you admit to being a little bit bi if not after death?

LEO

Jesus, if I had a penny for every time a person came out to me by reclaiming slightly offensive terminology recently…

RILEY

You’d have?

LEO

Two pence. Which isn’t a lot-

RILEY

But it’s weird that it happened twice, I do get you.

JULIA

Who else came out to you recently?

LEO

Uh, doesn’t matter. A spirit I spoke to. Erm, sorry- how am I just now learning this about you?

NOAH

(OFFHAND) We didn’t talk much.

LEO

Yeah, we did. We talked all the time.

NOAH

Not really. Not until I got sick.

LEO

I idolised you as a kid. I followed you around like a puppy.

NOAH

Yeah, but that’s not really talking. Not like, getting to know each other. You were a kid, and I was a moody teenager. And then you got a bit older and I got way cooler, and then by the time we were both kind of grown ups, I was sick. And it was pretty much all we talked about.

LEO

Oh.

RILEY

Well, you’ve got a chance now, though. And he’s not going anywhere.

NOAH

Not for more than four days at a time apparently, anyway. Which honestly may be for the best. Any sooner than that and we’d get sick to death of each other. Slightly too on-the-nose phrasing aside.

LEO

I wouldn’t get sick of you.

NOAH

You only think that because I’ve been dead.

RILEY

Yeah, he’s not wrong. I remember the fights you two had when we were teenagers.

NOAH

Oh, you’re right. Oh my god, they were nothing on the fights we had as kids though. Remember the tooth?

LEO

Vividly. You claimed you deserved whatever the Tooth Fairy brought me because you were the one who knocked it out.

JULIA

You knocked their tooth out?!

NOAH

Julia, do you have any siblings?

JULIA

No, and I’m starting to be glad I didn’t.

NOAH

(LAUGHS) Yeah, I was a little shit. But sometimes, love is a carpet burn between siblings, you know?

LEO

Yeah, you could call it love, I suppose. If love is you holding me down on the carpet while screaming to mum that I was hurting you.

NOAH

That was soooo funny though. And you got your own back! Remember the broken arm?

JULIA

You broke his arm?!

LEO

(SMUG) Nope, broke mine. Blamed it on him.

RILEY

Oh my god, I remember this, they got you grounded for months.

JULIA

I’m seeing a whole other side of you Leo, this is wild.

RILEY

They should specify, they didn’t like, intentionally break their own arm. That would be dramatic even for Leo.

LEO

Oh, yeah, no, I fell off my bike. But I fell off while Noah was teasing me, so I told Dad he pushed me.

NOAH

(AFFECTIONATELY) Little shit.

LEO

(EQUALLIY AFFECTIONATE) Bellend.

JULIA

Oh my god, Leo swears.

RILEY

Literally only two scenarios I’ve heard Leo swear. When they’re at their absolute wit’s end, I’m talking total breaking point. And when talking to Noah. But also, I’m not sure if ‘bellend’ even counts.

NOAH

Yeah, it’s barely even swearing. Not like this kid. Matkins used to get calls home like every other day about their swearing at school.

RILEY

Yeah, and I gave the school your number. What did you even say when they called?

NOAH

That I was grateful for their concern and that I’d be sure to give you a right fucking talking-to as soon as you got home.

RILEY

Perfect.

JULIA

What’s the age difference between you guys?

NOAH

Five years.

LEO

Yeah, it felt like more because Noah went straight into work after his GCSEs. Back when you were allowed to leave school at sixteen. Got a job, saved up money, moved out on his own as soon as he turned eighteen. I thought it was just about the coolest thing I’d ever seen. My brother, paying bills and cooking my dinner.

NOAH

(LAUGHING) Yeah, mum and dad did not think it was cool. Part of me thinks mum was relieved when I got sick. Gave me a reason to move back home, gave her a reason to look after me again.

LEO

Yeah, I want to defend her on that front but… it sounds about right. She was never happy about her little boy growing up so fast at sixteen.

NOAH

You really should visit more.

LEO

Yeah, I knoooow. They just… never want to talk about you. Feels like, when I’m home, you’re all I can think about. You’re in every corner of that house. So obviously conversation steers towards “hey, remember that time Noah set the kitchen on fire trying to make cheese on toast while drunk?” and they just shut down.

RILEY

Can confirm, they’re not exaggerating this time. I thought your mum was going to burst a blood vessel because I mentioned your name in a throwaway comment once.

NOAH

Right. We never were a family that communicates. Not sure why I thought my death might change that.

LEO

We can change it though.

NOAH

Yeah, look at us. Having grown-up conversations. Through the veil and shit!

JULIA

I’m not sure what’s more impressive, the through the veil part, or two siblings who used to knock each others’ teeth out talking like they love each other.

NOAH

Definitely the second part. Leo was always a nerd, them figuring out some way to chat to ghosts isn’t a surprise. Leo letting go of a grudge, on the other hand…

LEO

Hey, I got over that. I don’t hold grudges any more.

NOAH

I stole your shiny pokemon cards. I lied. I took them and I hid them and then I forgot where they were.

LEO

WHAT?!

NOAH

Yeah, you don’t hold grudges… oh, and on that note, getting a bit fuzzy again lads. Think I’m gonna have to…

LEO

Crap. Yeah, sorry, I’ll put you back. It’s not so bad this time though, right? We’ll speak soon. Four days.

NOAH

Four days. Don’t miss me too much. Love you, Leo. You too, Matkins. And I don’t know you Julia, but I did love meeting you.

LEO

I love you too, Noah.

RILEY

See you soon, mate.

[SFX: Stasis capsule opens and Noah is returned to it]

LEO

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

[SFX: Recorder is turned off, whooshing sound stops]

JULIA

How are you holding up?

LEO

(NOT DOING GREAT) Better! (MORE COMPOSED) Yeah, better. Now that I know- yeah. He’s not going anywhere. I can learn to live with this.

RILEY

You know you can’t keep going on like this forever though, right?

JULIA

Riley!

LEO

No, it’s okay, I know- I think that’s why I broke down so hard when I first spoke to him. This isn’t like, the start of a new life for him, I know that. It’s the beginning of the end. I’m working on being grateful for that without… without dreading the end when it comes.

JULIA

The mobile tether is glorious though. You really outdid yourself with this one, Leo.

LEO

Oh (SNIFFLING, BUT PULLING THEMSELF TOGETHER) This was all Frank.

JULIA

Mmmm, I retract my compliment. I did have a thought though. Frank was saying that nobody outside of Mortui Non Morden knowsabout this ritual to move the spirits on, right? And he killed his predecessor. But what about their predecessors?

LEO

Well, I mean, they’re definitely dead too.

RILEY

So’s Noah, you dumb fuck.

LEO

Oh. Oh! I hadn’t even- you mean-

JULIA

Whitley! We can finally speak to him with this.

LEO

You think Frank still has him stored somewhere?

JULIA

‘Course he does, he just admitted to not knowing of any other way to dispose of spirits.

LEO

Oh my god, of course! Wait, where is Frank?

RILEY

Still in lab seven, cloning my DNA or whatever he’s doing with it. (SHUDDERS)

LEO

Well, let’s go! Let’s ask him, if he can tell us where Whitley’s stored…

[SFX: hurried footsteps]

LEO

Julia you’re a genius!

JULIA

I know.

LEO

Frank!

[SFX: Door opens]

FRANK

Ah, perfect timing. I was about to seek you all out-

LEO

(INTERRUPTING) Where’s Montgomery Whitley?

FRANK

I beg your pardon?

LEO

Whitley, where’s his stasis capsule? Julia just had a brainwave, now that we have the tether we can-

FRANK

Absolutely not.

LEO

What?

FRANK

You will not be speaking to Montgomery Whitley.

RILEY

Why not? We already know all your secrets, what’s he going to tell us about you that we don’t already know?

FRANK

(LONG PAUSE, THEN UNCOMFORTABLE) It is not about-

LEO

Oh my god. I forgot.

FRANK

(CLEARLY UPSET) Yes, Leonardo, congratulations on remembering, however long it may have taken. My answer is no.

LEO

Frank, I understand, but this is bigger than you.

JULIA

Wait, what-

RILEY

Shit, yeah! So much has happened since then, I can’t believe I didn’t remember.

JULIA

Feeling very left out right now.

LEO

Whitley’s Frank’s dad. Remember, he told us back in his office? He was born Richard Whitley…

FRANK

Son of Montgomery and Marianne Whitley, yes.

JULIA

So what, you can kill your own brother but you draw the line at us digging up the ghost of your dad?

FRANK

(LAUGHING, A LITTLE MANIACALLY) Oh, Ms. Wilde if you believe it is out of some sort of respect, you are sorely mistaken. My father is a despicable man, and it is in everyone’s best interests that he no longer has a voice.

LEO

Frank. I believe you. But he is the only person left who knows the ritual. Unless you know of any Betterother Place directors whose ghosts are still around?

FRANK

We will find some other way.

LEO

You haven’t found another way in the fifty-plus years you’ve been director. And I don’t say that to imply you’re incompetent. The opposite, really. If you haven’t found anything in fifty years, it’s because there’s nothing to find. The only place left to search for answers is the one place you’ve been refusing to look.

FRANK

Leonardo, you frankly have no understanding of what you’re letting yourself in for.

LEO

No, I don’t. But I’ll do it. And so will you. You were here for me, when I first spoke to Noah. Well, I know it’s different, but… I’m here for you this time, okay?

FRANK

This is a terrible idea. (LONG PAUSE) But I do not see myself winning this argument. It is thoroughly in opposition to my better judgement. But fine. You can talk to my father.

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Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, Phil Thompson as Riley, Shannon Kelly as Julia, Kristian Lawrence as Noah, and Asher Amor-Train as Frank. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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