Opening theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode 2.5: Not Stressed at All

Opening theme (short version) ends

[SFX: Lo-Fi atmospheric music playing (Without the Fever by Martin Hall) Tools rattling, pages turning]

JULIA

What do we think “the wobbly bit” means?

[SFX: Riley sitting up suddenly]

RILEY

(OVERLAPPING, GROGGILY) Hm?

JULIA

Were you napping?

RILEY

No. Wobbly bit.

JULIA

Yeah, what do we think it means? In their notes, Leo talks about adjusting the wobbly bit to get clearer readings. But based on what they’ve said so far there… is. no. wobbly bit?

RILEY

(YAWNING) I’ve got nothing. Leo’s brain is broken. In a slightly but incomprehensibly different way to my brain and your brain. Try and think of some out-of-the-box synonyms or something.

JULIA

Uh, wobbly, wobbly… Precarious? Flexible? Nothing that fits those descriptions either. Maybe shaky? Trembly? Oh… Oh, you don’t think they mean like, the actual lights, right?

RILEY

I don’t think anything. I’m not following this conversation at all.

JULIA

The lightbulbs, the ones that flash when they pick up EMF readings. Maybe they mean the, you know, the flickering of the lights. It’s a stretch but… shit, wait no, the filaments! Look, see, the filament in the bulb, it wobbles when you shake it. God I’m good at this.

RILEY

Is translating Leo’s rambling a transferrable skill? Can you put that on a CV?

JULIA

(PROUDLY) Creative problem solving. Taking initiative in the face of indirect communication.

RILEY

Great, I’ll steal that when Frank fires us. Unless I get normal-fired first for being so knackered all the time at work.

JULIA

Yeah, what’s up with that? We’ve been staying up late, but not that late.

RILEY

Dunno. Just been a long year, hasn’t it? These headaches haven’t been helping.

JULIA

Probably stress.

RILEY

I’m not stressed.

JULIA

So you keep saying. And which I obviously believe. Not like your best friend since school being MIA would be a stressful thing or anything. Or, you know, being unsure of whether or not your job’s safe. Two totally normal things to not be stressed about.

RILEY

Ehh, shut up.

JULIA

That’s weak. You’re Riley Matkins, you can do better than shut up.

RILEY

(EXHAUSTED) Eat glass and die?

JULIA

Better. I’ll leave soon I promise, just… did you manage to steal any case files?

RILEY

Mmm.

[SFX: Papers being pulled from bag and set on the table]

Nothing promising though. All likely to be completed within the next couple of weeks. So unless you think you can get the recorder ready to go by then…

JULIA

Absolutely not. Even if I do manage to make sense of these audio notes, Leo gathered a fair amount of trial data by speaking to spirits before they even got the recorder working. Without that, we’d have to start from scratch.

RILEY

Wonderful. Excellent. More roadblocks, that’s what we need. I’m going to request we put a pause on me smuggling these out for now, then. If I see anything good that might stick around for a while, I’ll grab it. But otherwise there’s no fucking point in me stealing every case file I see before the thing’s even close to being ready, is there?

JULIA

I- I suppose not. Are you sure you’re okay?

RILEY

Just tired.

JULIA

Okay. If you’re sure. I’ll let you sleep, then. Just. Try and get yourself to bed? Falling asleep on the couch probably isn’t doing you any favours.

RILEY

You’re not my mother.

JULIA

No, but I love you. And want you to take care of yourself.

RILEY

(LONG PAUSE) Yeah, love you too mum. I’ll drag myself to bed if you promise not to go straight back to work as soon as you get home.

JULIA

I will do my best. But I can’t promise I won’t listen to another audio diary on the tube on my way back.

RILEY

I’ll take it. God, who knew Leo would be the one making our lives hell right now?

JULIA

Definitely not me. Historically speaking, I’m usually the one making life hell for the people I date. Not the other way around.

RILEY

(TIRED LAUGH) Yeah. And I’m usually too busy gently bullying Leo for them to cause me any real problems. Except for sometimes when they’re left unsupervised and make bad choices.

JULIA

I know I might not be much of a stand-in for a life-long friend, and I definitely won’t let you bully me, but I promise to only ever make bad choices while under your direct supervision, if that helps.

RILEY

Y’know what? It does, thanks.

JULIA

And with that, I depart. Go to bed!

RILEY

I will. Goodnight, dickhead.

JULIA

(CHEERFULLY) Goodnight, you piece of shit.

Closing theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Phil Thompson as Riley and Shannon Kelly as Julia. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

Closing theme (short version) ends