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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Two: Keeps Me Sane

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[SFX: Classical music fades in]

Frank

(CASUALLY) I had assumed the meaning was obvious.

LEO

No, Frank. It is obvious to literally nobody that “Soup 38” would be shorthand for “Category Regression.”

FRANK

Perhaps my genius is simply unrivalled.

LEO

(LONG PAUSE) Jesus. You’re so deadpan I can never tell when you’re joking or when you’re just being a prick.

FRANK

Then I shall remain an enigma.

LEO

Yeah, that’s one word for it.

FRANK

Oh, we’re back to veiled insults now, I see. Shall I leave you to continue decoding my notes alone?

LEO

(SIGH) No, I- Sorry, (BEGRUDGINGLY) you’ve actually been very helpful.

FRANK

(SMUGLY) You’re so very welcome.

LEO

Alright, careful with the smugness though, I still have my limits.

FRANK

(MORE SINCERELEY) I am surprised that you reached out at all. Why the change of heart?

LEO

Don’t act like you don’t already know. (PAUSE, WAITING FOR RESPONSE) I mean, asking me to go interview another spirit, that was your angle, right? You thought it’d, I dunno, soften me up or something?

FRANK

(A LITTLE OFF-GUARD) I only- (BRIEF PAUSE) (CLEARS THROAT) Precisely, Leonardo. And it worked, did it not? As I said, unrivalled genius.

LEO

Yeah, yeah, you’re very clever, good for you, I’m sure you impressed all your cave-man teachers back in the stone age.

FRANK

I am only 120 years old.

LEO

Yeah, I’m sure it feels that way, time flies and all that. Feels like only yesterday we discovered fire and suddenly that witch Thomas Edison is out here inventing light bulbs… why… why are you smiling at me, it’s unsettling, stop it.

FRANK

I’ll refrain from doing so in future. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been… teased.

LEO

Oh, well, there’s loads more where that came from.

FRANK

Naturally. Though, shall we hold the light mockery for another time? We still have plenty of work to do, and I’m sure you’d like time to interview another spirit later tonight.

LEO

Oh. I wasn’t planning on it. But… yeah, no you’re right. I should. Alright, shall we just… consolidate what we’ve got so far? I’ll head back out tonight and we can pick up where we left off tomorrow?

FRANK

Is that why the audio diaries were so important to you? They helped you consolidate? To speak aloud what you know and, in doing so, understand it better?

LEO

Well… yeah.

FRANK

I see. Then I shall be your audio diary. Tell me what you’ve learned, and I will listen.

LEO

My phone doesn’t usually make snarky comebacks when I record into it though.

FRANK

(MOCK WOUNDED) I would never.

LEO

We’ll see. Okay so, we went back through your notes on the spirit plane pretty much from the start – or, at least, from when you started seriously looking into it – about two years ago. That was when you were made aware of the first case of severe category regression. A category three that spent too long on the waiting list and by the time dispatchers got to it, was – as far as anyone could tell – back to being a category one.

FRANK

That’s right.

LEO

But then the next one didn’t happen for another two months, a category two whose manifestations seemed to be getting weaker with time. You… observed him…

FRANK

You make it sound so repugnant.

LEO

It kind of was though. You could tell he was suffering, you noted down personal observations that the space he was tethered to felt painful and disorienting even to you, and yet you let him sit there for months while you visited him and watched him just… slip away.

FRANK

I did not know the kind of mental toll it took on a spirit. Not at the time.

LEO

Not until I interviewed Mary Barker.

FRANK

Exactly. Your device allowed for a previously untapped perspective into what was happening to these spirits.

LEO

(MUTTERED) A device that you weren’t supposed to know about.

FRANK

You recorded your notes and played back these spirits’ interviews on company property. What did you expect?

LEO

That is not the get out of jail free card you think it is. You bugged my office, Frank. Anyway, not even the point, the point is that Mary Barker was suffering. Her mind was slipping along with whatever physicality she had, and for over a century, she suffered.

FRANK

So, thanks to you, we were able to ascertain the effect the category regression had on a spirit’s mind.

LEO

And that’s when you started doing more field experiments on the slipping spirits.

FRANK

Yes. I couldn’t risk removing the spirit from its tether given that it seemed to be the space around them that was of interest.

LEO

Of course you wouldn’t possibly think to help them by taking them away from the space.

FRANK

I thought you had taken a firm anti-removal stance?

LEO

(GROANS) I’m not getting into this argument with you again. That’s all we’ve got so far anyway. We can cover the results of the next round of experiments next time, just… I’d like to go talk to someone that’s not you for a bit, please.

FRANK

(BEAT) Of course. I trust you have plenty of files with which to keep yourself occupied.

[SFX: Papers rustling]

LEO

Yup.

FRANK

Then I shall excuse myself.

[SFX: Footsteps start, then falter]

Good night, Leonardo.

LEO

Er, yeah. Night.

[SFX: Footsteps fade out to the left as Frank leaves]

LEO

Alright.

[SFX: Recording begins]

Audio diary of Leo Quinn… Inter-Planar Researcher with an unfortunate affiliation to Frank Williamson, Director of Better Place. There are a lot more cases of people cancelling the removal of a spirit than I’d ever even dreamed of. I’m not sure how we missed them all back when we were working at Better Place. I suppose they’re still quite rare when you compare them to all the cases that come through every week, but over time, they pile up. And I’ve got… most of them out of Frank’s archive. This one especially I’ve been itching to get to.

Case BL#1728, Category Two, Case Status: Unresolved.

Looks like the report came from a Gemma Langley who noticed electronics turning on seemingly unprompted in her house, but the case was cancelled a month or two after research had finished their investigation. Thankfully Bindu’s always been a lot more thorough in her cases than Paul was, so we’ve got a bit more to go off on this one. We’re pretty sure the spirit belongs to a Micah Dunnings, a past tenant of the house before the landlord sold the place. They died in a mugging-gone-wrong while travelling abroad in 2012, at thirty-seven years old. They were always on one trip or another, it looks like. Usually hitchhiking or hostel-hopping, Bindu actually threw in a map of all the places they’d visited. They’ve been, honestly, kind of everywhere. At least a handful of places in every continent. Yep, even Antarctica. It must be very weird for them to be tethered to just one place. Gemma still lives at the address, and she owns the house, so no landlord to cancel the case on her behalf. So I’m assuming that she for some reason decided she didn’t mind sharing her space. Hopefully that’ll make her easier to reach out to. There’s a phone number attached from when she called to open the case originally. Here’s hoping she hasn’t changed it.

[SFX: Mouse click, classical music ends. Ringing of outbound call, then Gemma’s voice a little tinny through the phone]

GEMMA

Hello?

LEO

Hi, is this Gemma Langley?

GEMMA

Yeah, who am I speaking with?

LEO

Erm… my name’s Leo Quinn, I’m a researcher developing a device to facilitate communication with spirits. I understand that you’re sharing your space with a spirit?

GEMMA

Uh, how did- That case was cancelled years ago.

LEO

No, I understand, I’m not calling on behalf of Better Place. If the spirit still lives in your residence, I’d like the chance to speak with them. My recorder will pick up their voice so you’ll be able to communicate with them.

GEMMA

(SHORT PAUSE) This is a weird question, but are you using they because you don’t know their gender, or because you know they’re… a they?

LEO

Uh, well I actually have the case file from Better Place. Just, I mean, just from a contact there. I’m definitely not working on their behalf. I’m kind of anti-Better Place, personally. (AWKWARD STAMMERING) Uh, but, yeah. The file says they’re non-binary, and they used they/them pronouns in life. Micah, is their name.

GEMMA

(SLIGHT PAUSE, THEN TRYING TO HIDE HER EXCITEMENT) How’s tonight?

LEO

To- yes! Yeah, no, tonight’s great, I can be there in, like, forty minutes I think. The address is… (A LITTLE GUILTILY) also in the file.

GEMMA

Okay, I’ll see you then, Leo

LEO

Yeah, see you! (PAUSE AS CALL ENDS) God, I’ve missed this.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins]

[SFX: Sound of Leo sitting, two mugs being placed on a table]

GEMMA

You’re sure it’s okay if I’m in here with you?

LEO

Yeah, you live with them! It’s only fair you get to introduce yourselves properly.

GEMMA

(ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Okay!

[SFX: Gemma over-excitedly sitting beside Leo on the couch with a little too much force]

(ATTEMPTING TO KEEP HER EXCITEMENT IN CHECK) I’ll, I mean- I’ll be as quiet as you need me to be while you ask your questions.

LEO

Honestly, now that it plays back in real time, it’s more of a conversation than anything- you’ll see. Let me just…

[SFX: Fumbling and clicking as recorder turns on, the usual whooshy ghost sound begins to drone quietly in the background]

LEO

Hi, Micah. I’m not sure if Gemma told you who I am, but I’m working on a research project about communicating with spirits. If you’re willing to answer a few questions, this recorder will be able to pick up your voice in real time. If you’re happy to, could you tell me some basic identifiable details just to confirm who you are?

MICAH

Hi, Leo! And Gemma! (BEAT) Woah, that’s weird. A bit of a lag though, if you’re open to constructive feedback. I’m Micah Dunnings, I’m a Sagittarius, although if you need concrete details my date of birth is the 26th November 1977. I like long walks on the beach, um… seeing new places, and… Oh! As of the last few years, podcasts! They’re new. I love them.

GEMMA

Yeah, you especially love listening to them at two in the morning. Oh! (WHISPERED) Sorry. I said I’d be quiet.

MICAH

When else is your phone ever free?

GEMMA

I have a laptop! I’ve been leaving it open for you every night in the living room.

MICAH

Yeah but that’s so much more wooorrrkkk. I don’t have hands, Gemma.

LEO

(TRYING, AND FAILING, TO NOT LAUGH) Is this what the case file was referring to? Electronics turning on by themselves?

MICAH

(LAUGHS) Yep. I can do that apparently. Most of the time. When I sort of… came to conciousness, Gemma had already moved in, and she’d be listening to something pretty much all the time. Some show or other. Usually audio drama. Or people playing Dungeons and Dragons, which I thought was incredibly dorky at first but they’re actually so much fun. And I didn’t have anything else to do, just kind of hanging out here without a body, so I listened along with her. Which was really annoying when she’d go out and by the time she’d come back I’d missed about three episodes and a whole story arc. So one night, a few years in, she left her phone on charge while she slept and I just… (SMALL LAUGH) well, I wanted to listen to the last few episodes so badly, and it just sort of started playing from where I’d left off.

GEMMA

Which was horrifying, by the way.

MICAH

I’ve heard the podcasts you listen to, nothing horrifies you.

GEMMA

(LAUGHS)

LEO

(AUDIBLY SMILING) Sorry to derail, but can I ask why you think you manifested in this house? Your case file mentioned you travelled a lot, it must be weird being tethered to the house.

MICAH

You’re telling me. But it makes sense, I think. This place was home. The first place that was ever home, actually.

[Music: Sentimental atmospheric music gradually fades in]

For years, everywhere I lived always had a ton of housemates to save on rent, and I was in a different city every year. When I hit thirty, I realised that I spent so much of my time travelling and meeting new people that what I really wanted was a place to come home to where I could just be on my own for a bit. Until the next time I’d saved enough money to go back out on the road again, at least. So, this place was a special little sanctuary. I never spent enough time in it to feel stuck here. Not in life at least. It was always somewhere that was mine and that was a blessing to come home to. Until I died, and… now I can’t leave. Gemma’s been genuinely amazing though, squabbling aside. And her podcasts too. It all… keeps me sane. I still get that itchy feeling, like I need to get away to somewhere new, like all the time. But it’s not so bad being here, and getting to listen to all these shows of worlds I’d never dreamed of. Shows set in asteroid belts, mysterious woods, weird small towns, remote bunkers in the Arctic. I still feel like a tourist, in a way.

GEMMA

I noticed you especially like the queer ones too.

MICAH

(SCOFFS) As if you listen to anything else? But, yeah, I appreciated you defaulting to neutral pronouns for me, even before I kept making you listen to all the shows with enby characters I could find. I’ve only been dead ten years, but I feel like I’m from a different time. This stuff’s groundbreaking. All these queer stories, a click away.

LEO

I can understand that. The amount of trans rep out there still surprises me sometimes. And I’m not even dead, I’m just really bad at pop culture.

MICAH

Look, see, trans solidarity even pierces the veil.

LEO

(LAUGHS)

GEMMA

(LAUGHS, BUT IT TURNS INTO A YAWN)

MICAH

It’s past her bedtime. Wuss.

GEMMA

I have work in the morning!

MICAH

Yeah, I know, you wake me up at some ungodly hour every weekday, how could I forget?

GEMMA

Not my fault you’re, like, omnipresent.

MICAH

I dunno, I kind of have to like… move between rooms these days. I mean, it’s not a big place so it isn’t far, but it’s something new. Still don’t have an actual body to speak of, though.

LEO

Don’t worry too much, that’ll come with time. Hopefully. I mean, it will. It should? Every spirit progresses at a different pace, but… my friend Julia is much better with the theory behind all of this but if you’re already kind of condensing, so to speak, it sounds like you’re on your way to becoming a category three. (BEAT) That means poltergeist.

MICAH

Sick.

GEMMA

Oh, God, so they can cause me more problems?

MICAH

You love me.

GEMMA

I do, but I also hate you.

MICAH

Well I love you. Just not as much as I love your phone.

GEMMA

Well, I know your birthday now, what if I got you one of your own?

MICAH

(GASPS) No. Really?

GEMMA

Yeah, if it keeps you out of mine.

MICAH

(EXCITED) Ooh, I wonder if I can send texts?

GEMMA

I cannot tell you how glad I am that you don’t already know the answer to that question.

MICAH

(TEASING) Awww, scared I’ll send a text to Sophie on your behalf? Afraid of a little open and honest communication with your not-girlfriend?

GEMMA

(OVERLAPPING) O-kay! I think it’s time I went to bed.

LEO

(LAUGHING) Sure, I’ll get out of your hair. Anything to say, Micah, before I go?

MICAH

No, just… if you ever go anywhere interesting, send me a postcard?

LEO

Deal.

[SFX: Recording ends]

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Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, Asher Amor-Train as Frank, Lauren Kong as Gemma, and Rae Lundberg as Micah. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego-boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Melvis Mystery, for your incredibly generous support this season. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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