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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Four: Tapestry of the Island

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[SFX: Classical music playing, typing and notebook pages turning as Leo yawns. Door opens quickly with some force.]

FRANK

Leonardo! Pack a bag.

LEO

(SIGHS) What.

FRANK

Pack. A bag. Warm clothes, if you have them. Layers. Enough for… perhaps a few days, accounting for the travel time.

LEO

Excuse me? I- A few days, what? It is seven in the morning Frank, I haven’t even had a coffee yet, explain better.

FRANK

(EXCITED) We are going on a field trip. A scientific excursion.

LEO

A field trip. Somewhere cold. You- you understand that this sounds like the first five minutes of a horror film, yes? The audience are screaming at me right now not to go. When you stick an axe in the back of my head in the middle of an arctic wasteland they’ll all shrug and go “well, we warned them.”

FRANK

Don’t be ridiculous, I am twice your size. If I meant you harm I would simply abduct you.

LEO

Super reassuring! Where are we going?

FRANK

Just off the coast of Scotland.

LEO

And – my mistake for just assuming you’d answer this question sooner but, why?

FRANK

Scientific wonders, Leonardo! Instead of reviewing my past notes, we will be learning something new. Something potentially groundbreaking.

LEO

Don’t you have, like… directorial duties?

FRANK

I do. They do not, however, supersede my duty as a scientist to save the spirit plane. Though you, I believe, require a reminder to that effect. This field trip should sufficiently pique your curiosity, and your sense of urgency.

LEO

(BEAT) How many layers?

FRANK

(ALREADY ON HIS WAY OUT) As many as you have, Leonardo! And do not forget your recorder, it is invaluable on this expedition!

LEO

Oh… Crap.

[SFX: Classical music fades out, car/traffic ambience fades in]

LEO

Hooow fa-

FRANK

You do understand, Leonardo, that asking (MOCKING) “how far do we have left?” is no less irritating than the phrase “are we nearly there yet?”

LEO

Worth a shot.

FRANK

And the answer remains very far. We would be farther along if we hadn’t left so late.

LEO

Oh, I’m sorry, but my boss accosted me in the lab at 7am, sent me off to Greenwich to collect my recorder-

FRANK

Why was your recorder in Greenwich?

LEO

(GUILTILY) Don’t worry about it. The point is you also asked me to pack for a mystery field trip somewhere off the coast of Scotland – which, incidentally, could mean anywhere from Skye to Norway–

FRANK

Don’t be dramatic, Norway could hardly be considered just off the coast of Scotland.

LEO

Well you could have hurried things along slightly if you’d been a bit more specific before you sent me off to pack.

FRANK

And you could have hurried things along had you not demanded we stop for coffee.

LEO

Sorry, we can’t all get our energy from draining the life force from innocent strangers. Some of us just stick to boring old caffeine.

FRANK

Well, be that as it may, I had hoped to drive as far as John O’Groats by this evening. As it stands, I believe we can rest for the night in Aberdeen. The ferry from there is several hours longer, but at least we will be well rested to set sail tomorrow morning.

LEO

So we are stuck with each other. For another… According to my maps, another eight or nine hours, depending on traffic. And then, apparently, several hours on a ferry tomorrow?

FRANK

Precisely, plus time spent on the island. And the return trip, of course.

LEO

(LONG PAUSE) Wanna play I-Spy? (BEAT) I’ll take that withering look as a no. Eyes on the road, Frank, Jesus.

[SFX: car/traffic ambience fades out, then fades back in along with a piece of classical music playing from the car’s radio]

LEO

(SNORING GENTLY)

[SFX: Small bump in the road. Leo snorts a little as they startle awake]

FRANK

Ah, they awaken.

LEO

(MUMBLED, OBVIOUSLY HALF-ASLEEP) I wasn’t asleep.

FRANK

Then you have mastered the art of sitting very still with your mouth open for an extremely long time. Bravo.

LEO

My mouth was not open. How long?

FRANK

Don’t sound so hopeful. We still have another six or so hours left. we have just passed Manchester.

LEO

Great.

FRANK

I do not know what you could possibly complain about. You have the luxury of sleep.

LEO

Wait, you don’t- (KIND OF EXCITED, IF THEY’RE BEING HONEST) Is that a ghost thing?

FRANK

No, Leonardo, I cannot sleep because I am driving.

LEO

Oh. Right.

FRANK

I had hoped you would offer some company on this tedious drive.

LEO

Oh. Really? Uh, well, I mean… how’s work? (BEAT) Well, I don’t know, do I?! What do normal people talk about?

FRANK

Why Leonardo?

LEO

What do you mean, why? So that I can talk to you like a normal person, obviously.

FRANK

No, why did you choose that name? Ms. Wilde mentioned you named yourself for Leonardo DaVinci. Why him?

LEO

Oh. So by company you meant like, life story kind of situation?

FRANK

It is an improvement on inane small talk, is it not?

LEO

That’s… fair. Well, DaVinci is kind of my hero, I suppose. He’s the perfect intersection between art and science. I wanted to honour that, with my name. A reminder that to create, whether that’s a painting, or an invention, requires a little bit of both. All the science nerds I went to uni with would have started foaming at the mouth if you insinuated they were artists. But that’s what I wanted to be. Someone who made art, using what I know about science. Obviously it all went down the pan when I dropped out but… I still stand by it. He’s still someone I want to model my life after, he was generous, charming, creative-

FRANK

And, notably, queer as a nine bob note.

LEO

Frank! You can’t say stuff like that!

FRANK

Oh, my apologies, the terminology moves so fast these days I simply cannot remember which terms we have reclaimed and which terms we have left to rot in the annals of history.

LEO

I mean, queer yes, but… wait, we? What do you mean, we?

FRANK

I hadn’t expected this to be a coming out-

LEO

(SURPRISED CHOKING SOUND)

FRANK

Did you not already know this about me?

LEO

Frank, I know literally nothing about you.

FRANK

I told you my entire life story.

LEO

Yeah, the ghost bits. And, y’know the evil scientist bits. Nothing that would end up in the personal life section of your wiki page.

FRANK

(DEADPAN) I had assumed it was obvious from my ostentatious nature and flamboyant personality.

LEO

I genuinely have no idea if you’re joking or not.

FRANK

Then you may continue to wonder. So what would you wish to know about my life that would be considered sufficiently personal?

LEO

I mean. Anything. For starters, what was it like growing up with Mortui Non Morden (FADES OUT AS SCENE TRANSITIONS)

[SFX: Traffic and music shift to show time lapse, operatic music plays as new scene fades in]

LEO

You did not.

FRANK

(CHUCKLING) Indeed. We were not closely acquainted you understand, only a handful of meetings. Though you would not know it from the way I scolded him quite publicly during a discussion on Ms. Hall’s obscenity trial. I was only in my twenties at the time, though, and had quite the audacity to show for it.

LEO

(BEWILDERED) You just went about, having heated debates with E.M Forster.

FRANK

Well, I certainly had no interest in debating him further after that debacle. The nerve of him, to have such opinions about sapphism after his own novel had been so positively- (FADES OUT AS SCENE TRANSITIONS)

[SFX: Traffic and music shift to show time lapse, different operatic music plays as new scene fades in]

FRANK

I find that truly delightful

LEO

Really?

FRANK

Of course. I knew of the meaning behind the green carnation in my youth, but at sixteen, I would never have dared to admit it was even relevant to myself, let alone wear one proudly at an event.

LEO

I mean, it was only my school formal.

FRANK

But Leonardo, do you not see how bold that was? Times have changed but even so…

SAT NAV

In two hundred metres, turn left.

LEO

Most people didn’t know what it meant, to be fair.

FRANK

Well of course, that’s what a code is for!

SAT NAV

Turn left.

LEO

Exactly, so it isn’t bold necessarily, it’s… I mean it’s a signal, but only for the right kind of people. The kind of people who would recognise it are usually the kind of people [you’re safe with]

SAT NAV

(OVERLAPPING) In two hundred metres, turn right, then your destination is on your right.

LEO

What does she mean our destination?

FRANK

It means our hotel for the night.

SAT NAV

Turn right.

FRANK

We can rest here, then catch the earliest ferry available tomorrow morning.

SAT NAV

You have arrived at your destination.

LEO

But… it- what time is it? There’s no way we’re in Aberdeen already, it has not been that lo- oh Jesus, never mind, it’s midnght.

FRANK

Are you so completely unaware of your surroundings?

LEO

It’s dark! And you were driving! And we were talking!

[SFX: Car stops]

FRANK

Sparkling conversationalist that I may be, we should each get an early night tonight. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. I called ahead while you slept earlier and booked us two rooms.

[SFX: Key taken from ignition, music stops]

LEO

Right. Yeah. Going to tell me where we’re going, yet?

FRANK

Where is your sense of mystery, Leonardo!

[SFX: Recording begins]

[SFX: Wind whistling, waves lapping, low engine hum]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, scientific researcher alongside Frank Williamson, Director of Better Place. We’ve been on this ferry for about five hours now, which is, if you ask me, absurd. It’s cold. And Frank was pounding on my door at 6am this morning. Six! I at least know where we’re going now, the ferry’s bound for Orkney, which I mean, I know basically nothing about. Tried to google it but obviously there’s no signal out here. Frank seems to think there’s something worth seeing though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this exciteable before. Excitable by Frank standards, at least.

FRANK

Leonardo!

LEO

Jesus!

FRANK

Apologies, I see that you are recording, I did not mean to interrupt. However, I should warn you. As we approach the island… I understand you have quite a… colourful history with spirits. I do not mean to assume, but I thought you might require some advance notice. If my speculation about the island is correct you may feel some rather intense spirit activity. Perhaps more intense than you have ever experienced before. But rest assured, they cannot harm you.

LEO

What do you mean?

FRANK

I can feel them already. Though I may be more closely attuned to the sensation than you.

LEO

(LONG PAUSE) I thought that was just the wind. You mean that… that feeling, it’s… spirits? plural?

FRANK

Plural indeed. Give it a moment.

LEO

(LONG PAUSE) Oh my god. Oh my god, that- that’s…

FRANK

Spectacular?

LEO

Intense.

FRANK

You have your recorder to hand? Good. Turn it on.

[SFX: recorder clicking on, the usual ghost whooshing sound, but little else]

LEO

It’s just… sounds like static?

FRANK

Give it a moment, you can see the islands in the distance, listen as we approach.

[SFX: long pause, then ferry ambience fades out a little as whispering grows gradually louder]

LEO

Is… no. No, that’s for sure… whispering. It’s, I mean it’s quiet, but that’s definitely voices. Multiple voices.

FRANK

A plethora of voices. It is as I suspected, then. These islands are filled with spirits.

LEO

Why? How?

FRANK

It may depend on who you ask. Mortui Non Morden would tell you that it is simply too difficult to travel by coach and ship so far north. When I took over, Better Place had more means at its disposal for efficient travel. However both I and the entirety of upper management agreed that the expense of doing so far outweighed any potential profits. If you were to ask the residents of these islands, however, they would tell you it is because they simply have no intention of removing any spirits. Orkney is ancient, it contains some of the oldest, most well-preserved neolithic historical sites in Europe. Including no small number of cairns. Tombs, Leonardo, were the dead were housed with care and reverence. History, folklore, and religion are woven into the very stones of Orkney. And spirits, as a result, are no mere danger or nuisance but are a vital component of the very tapestry of the island.

LEO

I’ve never heard anything like it.

FRANK

Nor have I. There is very little that could compare, I am sure. That is why we are here. My theory, at the moment, is that the weakening of the spirit plane is geographical. I have spoken to Better Place’s counterparts in the United States and across Europe and they have not experienced anything like what we have in terms of spirits seemingly losing their grip on the spirit plane. The logical conclusion is that the result is due to an excess of spirits in any given space.

LEO

You- you mean the warehouse.

FRANK

Precisely, though if I am correct, the effect has and will continue to spread, like a crack in a windshield. This place, this island full of thousands of years’ worth of concentrated spirits, is the perfect place to examine this effect. We will disembark soon. We can spend the rest of the day exploring with your recorder.

LEO

I- yeah. Yes, that sounds… (PAUSE)

[SFX: Whispering from the recorder gets louder]

LEO

Amazing.

[SFX: Whispering and wind sfx fade out, water lapping swells louder for a moment before fading out too]

[SFX: Street ambience fades in, traffic, voices, footsteps, car doors opening, etc.]

LEO

Can’t we stay here a bit longer? This place is gorgeous, I want to explore the town a bit.

FRANK

We are here to test a theory. We need to compare the EMF data and audio recordings here with a few other spots across the island, which, I assure you, are just as beautiful. Please take out your recorder, Leonardo.

LEO

Not even a coffee in that little cafe? Maybe a scone? (PAUSE) Fine.

[SFX: Recorder being turned on, a few voices quietly overlapping on the recorder]

LEO

So what are we looking for exactly?

FRANK

I am not entirely certain. Ideally, I would like to gain a deeper understanding of how the concentration of the spirits has affected their connection to the spirit plane. But they do not feel as strong here as I had hoped, the town centre may not be the best place to test it.

LEO

They’re definitely… I mean, I can pick out some voices. It’s hard to hear what they’re saying, but they’re definitely speaking.

FRANK

Hmm. That in itself is interesting. We can pay a visit to some of the ruins and tombs, see how they compare.

LEO

So that’s a no on coffee?

FRANK

(SIGHS) If you must, please take it to go.

LEO

And a cinnamon roll! You want one?

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins]

LEO

So, for the audio diary, where are we Frank?

FRANK

This is not a documentary, Leonardo. (LONG PAUSE, SIGH) We are in Skara Brae. What you see here is the remnants of a neolithic village, older than stonehenge. It was originally uncovered by a storm in the eighteen hundreds, then further revealed by another storm almost a century later, but these dwellings were beautifully preserved by the very earth that had previously hidden them. They are historically fascinating in their own right. (INCREASINGLY FRANTIC) See there, the stone dresser? It faces the entrance, suggesting pride of place, which begs the question, what might have been stored in those dressers? Were they simply storage space, or did they have some kind of- (CLEARS THROAT) Yes, well, not the time, I suppose. In terms of our own investigation, archaelogists have been able to determine that the village may have been inhabited for over 600 years, so I would expect a number of spirits to have accumulated here over that period.

LEO

Shall I?

FRANK

Please do.

[SFX: Recorder being turned on, many voices, but more muffled]

FRANK

Fascinating. They certainly seem to be speaking English. There is no record of written language for the inhabitants of Skara Brae, but over time it is highly likely that they have acquired some language from the vast swathes of tourists that visit the site.

LEO

It definitely sounds fainter here than it did back on the high street.

FRANK

That in itself is intriguing. Their presence, on the contrary, is much stronger here. From my liminal position between the spirit and material planes, the space in this area feels… uncomfortable. Too close. It certainly seems to support the hypothesis that concentration of spirits in a space correlates to the weakening of the spirits.

LEO

Okay, okay, okay. That’s… God this is so cool. Shall we try some of the cairns? You said there’s a few around, right? Are they accessible? Because I am no stranger to breaking and entering at this point but it isn’t exactly my first choice.

FRANK

Yes, many are accessible. Though… I would like to seek out a few of the more remote ones.

LEO

Hell yes.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins]

LEO

Chill, Jesus, I’m doing it, whatever happened to patience is a virtue, Leonardo?

[SFX: Recorder turns on, quiet for a moment, then, overlapping with Frank, only moaning and whispered groans can be heard]

FRANK

Patience is a luxury for those who are not currently on the verge of an historical and scientific – (FURIOUSLY) Damn it to hell

LEO

What? What’s happening?

FRANK

They aren’t speaking, that’s what’s happening.

LEO

This is the least composed I have ever seen you. You’re using contractions. Do you need to sit down?

FRANK

Do you understand, Leonardo? If these spirits had spoken? The breakthrough, if we had been the ones to uncover the language they would have spoken. Spirits in tourist hotspots, busy high streets, their results are inaccurate at best, too much exposure to the English language over centuries, but these spirits could have shown us. They could have… we could have learned something… revelatory, Leo.

[SFX: Long pause as the groaning continues]

LEO

They’re… Frank, I think they’re suffering. They’re in pain. It’s… I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. Put your frustration aside for a second, how does the space here feel for you?

FRANK

It feels… thin. Or, no, not quite. It feels as if the very air around me is pulling at my edges.

LEO

Okay, and you’re physical. So imagine how this feels for a category one. Imagine being a category one for millenia in here. They’ve lost themselves. Completely. And you’ve got the nerve to get angry because they’re not being helpful to you, personally.

FRANK

Not just me, historians have been trying to-

LEO

No, I don’t care Frank. Listen to them. (LONG PAUSE AS PAINED GROANS CONTINUE)

FRANK

Leonardo-

LEO

They are in pain. I don’t give a crap what language they spoke. I want to help them, Frank. I need to help them.

FRANK

(BRIEF PAUSE, THEN A LITTLE GUILTILY) Yes. Yes, quite. (MORE COMPOSED) Good. Use that, Leonardo. This is what we are doing. You do not work for me, you work for them. Tell yourself that, if you must. I told you, this is a war you would have fought without my interference. I only gave you the information you need.

LEO

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I need to get out of here. I… I need… I…

FRANK

Yes, of course.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins, whistling wind through trees, rook calls can be heard from the treetops throughout, but otherwise it is a calm and quiet night]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn… just, uh, just Leo Quinn. Frank’s given me some space. I’m sitting in the middle of a stone circle right now, which is kind of insane. I feel like I’m tempting the fey creatures somehow. But I needed space. Both from Frank and from those spirits. It’s weird, I’m doing okay, in a sense. When we first hit the island, I felt all those spirits, the most intense spirit activity I’ve ever felt, but I didn’t have a panic attack. Not at first, at least. I’ve come a long way, since Whitechapel, but even so, I think… I think it’s because even though the feeling is so intense, it doesn’t feel dangerous. It’s like the difference between one person screaming at you and a large crowd murmuring. The volume is the same but the energy is different somehow. I don’t think any of the spirits here are strong enough to hurt me. I don’t think most of them even have enough left in them to notice me.

We did go to a few other Cairns after that first one, even after it got dark, but it was mostly the same. It looks like Frank’s hypothesis was right. And he seems thrilled about it. He just cares about being right, not about the implications of it. Yes, the more we learn, the closer we get to helping. I know that him being right is a good thing, it means we can go forward with a better understanding of the problem we want to solve. But this wasn’t just some abstract theoretical problem. This is real. Real people are out here, suffering. Some of them have been suffering for centuries, millenia. I can’t imagine anything worse than slowly losing your grip on the universe. I don’t want to know what happens to those who fade away entirely, and I certainly do not want to know what happens to them if the spirit plane collapses. God, it’s been a long day. Frank’s booked us some rooms at a bed and breakfast, we’re going to sleep here tonight and get another early start to travel back to London tomorrow. But I’m just too… I feel like I need to do something now, but there’s nothing. I just need to keep going. Trust Frank is doing what he can to bring Noah back to me, and focus all my energy on solving this problem. Helping these spirits. God, I hope we can help them.

[SFX: Rooks cawing fade out]

Closing theme begins

Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Asher Amor-Train as Frank, Leanne Egan as Leo, and additional voices by Eric Willmott, Lily Yasuda, Liam Chessell, and Georgia McCall. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Angela Egan for your incredibly generous support this season. Thanks Mum. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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