Opening theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode 5.5: Doing Fine

Opening theme (short version) ends

[SFX: Angsty pop music playing, typing, rifling through papers. A stack of papers is slammed down with a thump as Riley slumps in their seat.]

RILEY

This would be much easier if I was doing it in the office.

JULIA

Yeah, I know, but we’ve already used too many Better Place resources on this job and we can’t afford to make Frank suspicious.

RILEY

What’s there to be suspicious about? He already knows we’re doing everything in our power to bring him down.

JULIA

But he hasn’t fired us yet…

RILEY

Which can only mean he’s got something up his sleeve that makes him confident we’re not going to cause him any problems.

JULIA

All the more reason to go rogue. Sneak attack the bastard.

RILEY

You can just say “surprise him,” nerd.

JULIA

I’m sorry, which one of us has multiple magic the gathering championships under their belt?

RILEY

I told you that in confidence.

JULIA

I need blackmail material. Look at you, you’re scary good at research, if our friendship goes tits-up there would be a huge discrepancy in blackmail power.

RILEY

What do you mean if? I already have a whole folder on you. Just biding my time.

JULIA

Oh, you’re funny, is that what you’ve been doing while failing to find the identity of our Coronation Club spirit?

RILEY

Ouch. Low blow.

JULIA

I try.

RILEY

Do you try? Because you could be trying harder with getting that recorder up-and-running.

JULIA

That’s fighting talk. Wanna swap jobs? See if you can do any better?

RILEY

Go ahead. Save me the headache, do my research for me while I take a cursory glance at your recorder, decide I have no idea what the fuck I’m looking at, then go lie down in a dark room with some painkillers.

JULIA

That seems like a fair trade. Ish. Oh, wow, okay, so you’re just taking shots in the dark, huh?

RILEY

Yuppp.

JULIA

So you’ve got about four decades in which this person could have died. That’s… could be worse, I guess.

RILEY

Yeah, could be better, too.

JULIA

But we’re being optimists about this! I like that you’re working systematically through the names mentioned on the agenda for the British Gay Liberation Front. Time consuming, but comprehensive. Although I see you’re almost finished with those and they’re almost all ruled out, okay okay okay, so uh, what’s next?

RILEY

Excellent question.

JULIA

(AS IF COMING TO A CHEERFUL REALISATION) Oh, I see. We’re fucked.

RILEY

Astute observation. Can I go lie down in that dark room yet?

JULIA

You haven’t even looked at the recorder.

RILEY

Looks like it records things, probably.

JULIA

False. It does nothing of the sort. If it did, we would be considerably less fucked.

RILEY

Well, sounds like something we should get cracking on then.

JULIA

No, you just go nap. I’ll work on it. Joking aside, I’m close, I think. If we can get the recorder working, we won’t need to find the identity of the spirit. We can just ask them.

RILEY

That would make my job easier. Alright, you don’t have to tell me twice, (TURNING AWAY FROM THE MIC) I’m sure you can show yourself out, or you could stay, I don’t-

[SFX: Chair pulling out and fabric rustle as Riley stands up and turns away from the mic]

JULIA

(OVERLAPPING) Christ, Riley!

RILEY

(FACING THE MIC AGAIN) Huh?

JULIA

Your shoulder! Are you bleeding through your shirt? Turn back around.

RILEY

Julia, why are you so obsessed with me?

JULIA

No I’m serious, Riley, turn around. You’re definitely bleeding. That’s where you got hit, isn’t it? By the amalgamation in Frank’s lab?

RILEY

Yeah. Maybe, I don’t know. It’s fine, though.

JULIA

It doesn’t look fine. Can I see please? It should have healed by now. Maybe it’s infected. Let me just-

RILEY

NO, Julia, it’s fine. Leave it please.

JULIA

But-

RILEY

Please. I’m fine.

JULIA

Okay. Okay, you’re fine.

RILEY

Can I go and take that nap now?

JULIA

Yeah. I’ll see you later.

[SFX: Footsteps, door slams]

Closing theme (short version) begins

Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Phil Thompson as Riley and Shannon Kelly as Julia. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

Closing theme (short version) ends