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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Five: Look What I Can Do.

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[SFX: Recording begins. Classical music playing.]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, independent researcher. Uh, yeah that’ll do for now. So, I’m back in the lab. We got back to London late last night, and I got maybe a couple of hours of sleep. But I couldn’t stand it. I can’t sit around and wait for answers to come and find us, not after hearing those spirits in Orkney. Not after hearing first hand the kind of wide-scale suffering that’s happening in the spirit plane right now. Mary Barker’s statement was bad. Her interview feels like a lifetime ago now but I can’t forget her… anguish. And I didn’t even understand why she was feeling it back then. I thought it was the isolation. She’d died by suicide, then spent over a century haunting an empty patch of railway, it would drive anyone mad. But it was more than that, and now I’ve seen evidence of it in an island full of spirits, and it’s happening all across the UK. And it’s… it’s Frank’s… it’s his fault, I think.

I mean, think about it, he contains god knows how many spirits. If the spirit plane recognises density, he’s a veritable black hole, eating away at everything he comes into contact with. (INCREASINGLY FRANTIC) Plus, he’s got a whole warehouse of spirits, just taking up space. And instead of moving them on, he continues to store them, and he won’t even tell me why. He’s so cagey about it, and it’s just so frustrating, because he’s obviously keeping a whole bunch of information from me and we’re supposed to be a team, and I just- (DEEP BREATH)

So… yeah, I’m back in the lab. Have been since about five this morning, just trying to work through it all. I started looking into the really old archived case files. The pre-Frank stuff, Mortui Non Morden cases. There’s not a lot of them. Frank archived everything he could find when he set up this basement lab-slash-archive monstrosity, but clearly he couldn’t find everything. Either that or Mortui Non Morden were just terrible record-keepers, but that just… doesn’t seem right. But, I’ll work with what I’ve got. They’re a little vague in their case notes. I think they were pretty secretive about their practises, so it makes sense, but it’s not giving me a ton to go off. Mostly, the resolved cases are just marked as “passed on,” which definitely implies they did something other than store them, but doesn’t tell me much about what they actually did. So, I guess, I’ll just do what I do best.

Case 1879#35 under Director Pickering, Classification: apparition. Current condition: permitted to remain.

So, not the point, but the differences between Mortui Non Morden and Better Place’s case filing system are so interesting. The classification of the spirits, before the category tiers became the gold standard academically, were apparently “presence, apparation, and poltergeist” for categories one, two, and three respectively. Which, linguistically, is fascinating. And I can only assume permitted to remain is the equivalent to unresolved, which again, technically it means the same thing but the intention behind the language is vastly different. Anyway, like I said, fascinating but absolutely not the point. I chose this case because as far as I can tell, the spirit is still around. And… well, it seems she actually interacted with Mortui Non Morden during this case. Which… I mean, it seems unorthodox, based on how Better Place operates, but the point is to find out how Mortui Non Morden operated. So this seems like a pretty good start.

The spirit belongs to a Miss Eveline Weaver, who died during a Cholera outbreak in a workhouse in 1863. John Pickering, the director of Mortui Non Morden at the time, sent out a number of investigators who describe a realtively peaceful encounter with Eveline’s ghost. Despite the workhouse matron’s reports of a violent and disturbing spirit. So Director Pickering went out to meet her himself, and wrote his own report. I like this guy, listen to what he wrote:

“Miss Weaver posed no danger to myself or my employees. The reported violence seems to have been directed exclusively towards the master and matron of the workhouse, and now that the building has been closed off, its activities ceased, she appears to be content with residing peacefully. I myself am an ardent advocate for the abolition of these so-called workhouses, and a supporter of an urgent repeal of the poor law that facilitates their continued existence. Therefore I believe it prudent to allow Miss Weaver to remain, and serve as a reminder to those who would inflict senseless suffering in the name of economic progress.”

So, like, y’know. I’d love to see what this guy would have thought of Frank. So, I guess, let’s go speak to Miss Weaver. See what she has to say on the subject.

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Recording begins]

[SFX: Clutter being pushed aside, startled pigeons flying away, quiet cooing continues throughout]

LEO

Hi, Miss Weaver? Are you around?

[SFX: Quiet scurrying of a rat across the room]

My name’s Leo, I… Well, I sort of work for Mortui Non Morden, in a way. I was hoping you could talk to me?

[SFX: Recorder turns on, the usual ghost whooshing sound begins]

EVELINE

Hello, Leo. Oh, that’s strange isn’t it? Is that what I sound like now?

LEO

Hi, yes, that’s your voice. It’s a little distorted, the technology isn’t perfect yet.

EVELINE

Are you one of the explorers?

LEO

The… who?

EVELINE

They call themselves urban explorers. I like them. They come at night, mostly. They stay here, with food and lights and cameras, and they whisper horrifying tales into the torch-light to make each other… (LOUDER) scream! (LAUGHS). Apologies, I have gotten very good at scary stories over the years. That is my only entertainment, really. They know I live here, when they visit. They want to catch me on camera. Men, usually. Or sometimes women. The women are kinder. The men are most often trying to impress the women. Do you know them?

LEO

Oh, you mean those weirdos that break into abandoned buildings to try to find ghosts? No, absolutely not, I am not one of them. I’m actually here to ask you about your experience with Mortui Non Morden. I know it was a long time ago, but do you remember? Director Pickering came to speak with you.

EVELINE

Oh, yes, I remember him. He was an angry man. But not angry with me. With… the matron, I believe. He was gentle to me, I think. Though he could not hear me. He told me he could help me pass on. Help me go to wherever my parents rest.

LEO

He did? Did he say how?

EVELINE

No, he only told me it would be painless. And that I would need to be willing for it to succeed. But I told him no. He could not hear me, of course. But I showed him well enough. I made the walls ooze with pus.

LEO

(POLITELY HORRIFIED) Oh?

EVELINE

He seemed to understand.

LEO

Right. Okay. So, he just let you be, then?

EVELINE

Yes. He hated the workhouse as much as I did. And me being here was the only thing that was keeping it closed. So he let me stay in peace.

LEO

Is it peaceful, being here? The place that was so awful to you in life?

EVELINE

It is, in a way. I won. They hated us so much. They hated us for existing. Hated us for being poor. We were a blight on society, a drain on their resources. They called these workhouses charity, decided we should be grateful for their so-called kindness, but the kindness they offered was simply to suffer for the sin of being poor. We were told it would bring us some purity of soul before we died. And we certainly died. In droves. They claimed to care so much for our souls, but they showed us how little they cared for our lives. The sickness that took me was not the first sickness to fester here. Grief was the closest friend I had. But when the sickness took me… it was cholera. Do you know what that is?

LEO

Sort of. Not in any great detail, just that it’s water-borne.

EVELINE

Yes, that’s right. It was the water making us sick. We did not know that. Mr. Pickering knew. He also knew that by the time it ravaged us in this workhouse, many people already understood what it was. The studies had already been published. They had already begun building a new sewer system. But it was too late. Nobody cared enough to help us. Nobody cared enough to save us. So we died. I died. But I still won. I remained here, out of spite, out of hate, but I had so much fun with it. I terrified the master and matron of this place. I cared for the surviving workers, but I made their tormentor’s lives miserable. And eventually they closed this place. It was only going to be temporary, but I did not leave. Mr. Pickering respected that I had a duty to keep this place closed, but he suspected the same as you, he wondered if it might be difficult for me to remain here, so he told me he would come back.

LEO

Did he come back?

EVELINE

Yes, some time later. To ask me again. And when I told him no again, he said he was retiring. That my next visit might be from a lady. Mrs Clara. She was lovely.

LEO

Clara… that must have been Clara Edgecombe, she was the first woman to be appointed director of Mortui Non Morden. Also the last, I suppose. For now. So did she offer you the same? Did she tell you she could help you move on?

EVELINE

Yes, she spoke to me for a time. Visited often. She always asked. And I always said no. Then one time she came back and told me that she was retiring too. That she had been forced out of her position, and the man who was taking her place was not so kind. He might not let me remain. But she kept visiting anyway. I could touch things by then, so I wrote messages to her in the dust. She must have died, eventually. She stopped coming.

LEO

(PITCHILY) I’m sorry, you said you could touch things? Can… is that something you’re still able to do?

EVELINE

Oh yes. I’m very good at it now.

LEO

You haven’t felt yourself getting weaker with time at all? Especially recently, or I mean, the last ten years or so.

EVELINE

Oh no. Quite the opposite. Look. Look what I can do now. It takes a moment. I need to concentrate very hard. But look.

[SFX: Wind picks up, startled pigeons fly away, and the whooshing sound of the EMF recorder becomes distorted]

LEO

Jesus… shit. You… (BREATHING HEAVILY) that’s you?

EVELINE

(UNINTENTIONALLY VERY CREEPY) Yes, you can see me? Good. I’ve been practicing. It is nice to look someone in the eye after all this time. May I come closer?

LEO

(YELPS) That’s… I’m (BREATHLESS) I’m sorry, that’s just a little too close if…

EVELINE

Oh. I see. I’ve frightened you.

LEO

I’m sorry-

EVELINE

N-no need to explain. Though… I would ask if I may embrace you? I can do that, now. You are crying, and I would like to help. But I think I would not be helpful. Perhaps if I simply reach out to take your hand, is this-

[SFX: Leo jumps back, stumbling and falling into some of the scattered debris]

LEO

Shit! Sorry, I’m sorry… I- I’m sor-

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Classical music fades in, footsteps approach]

FRANK

I received your call Leonardo, I understand that our professional dynamic is somewhat informal but it really is very late, why- Leo, are you quite well?

LEO

Not really, Frank, no. Turns out I hadn’t made as much progress on the whole trauma recovery thing as I’d thought.

FRANK

Well. That is… recovery is rarely a direct path. There are bound to be, uh… it is very common to find yourself…

LEO

Yeah, heard it all before. See Frank, the real problem is that I was taken a bit by surprise. All she wanted was to be looked in the eye. To touch another human being. Turns out, she could do both of those things. Pretty easily, actually. You ever heard of anything like that, Frank? Because I hadn’t.

FRANK

Ah. I, uh, I see. She was both visible and tactile?

LEO

Yep. You sound about as surprised as I was expecting you to be, which is not very surprised at all, really.

FRANK

You did know about this, Leonardo. You met a spirit who possessed visible and material qualities when you broke into my lab.

LEO

Yeah, but that was one of your messed up little experiments, you didn’t tell me it could happen naturally!

FRANK

I… did not think you needed to be told. My experiments only exist to recreate natural occurrences in a controlled, observable setting. I assumed you had deduced this.

LEO

(LOSING THEIR SHIT) I absolutely, one hundred per cent needed to be told, Frank! If I’d had maybe a bit of warning…

[SFX: Fabric rustle as Frank sits beside Leo and reaches out to them]

FRANK

Did she harm you? Are you hurt?

[SFX: Fabric rustle as Leo shrugs Frank off]

LEO

No… I just wasn’t expecting it. She… I panicked, okay?

FRANK

Understandably. I apologise. For not explaining better. I have told you this before but you are an exceptionally bright young person Leonardo. I forget, often, that you do not have all of the information I have.

LEO

Then tell me, please. If you want me to be helpful, I need you to tell me everything you know.

FRANK

Well. We know that with enough time and energy, spirits are able to develop specific powers and abilities, and then, eventually, to become compact enough to touch and interact with the material plane. These are the three categories. To develop beyond the third, however, requires more time and energy than many spirits are permitted. My current studies show that there are no fewer than seven categories that can occur in nature. Perhaps more, if the conditions are right.

LEO

(CLEARLY AT BREAKING POINT) Great. Fantastic. So what are these new and exciting categories, then?

FRANK

Well, it sounds like tonight you encountered a category four. A spirit capable of visible manifestation and touch. A category five would be able to do all of those things and make sound audible on the material plane without need for a device such as your recorder. A category six would leave behind physical evidence of their presence in the form of, I suppose it would be called ectoplasm. And a category seven… theoretically… is capable of possessing a living person.

LEO

Excuse me?

FRANK

Theoretically. There are no reports of this happening for centuries. Thus, no evidence that those reports are not simply the whisperings of a more suspicious era.

LEO

Christ, so what are the other ones? The ones that could happen if the conditions are right?

FRANK

True physicality, for example.

LEO

Like you.

FRANK

Yes. My presence, as it were, in both the spirit and material planes, would likely be considered a category of its own, if it was proven that it could occur naturally. Some of my experiments, such as the one you and your friends encountered, would likely be a tier or two below. Physical, but not in their original human form.

LEO

Jesus. So if you’re saying this is rare, like, rare enough that most academics don’t even know about the possibility of anything beyond a category three, how did Eveline manage it? How did she get so strong when the spirit plane is only getting weaker?

FRANK

When did she pass?

LEO

Uh, eighteen-sixty something.

FRANK

I see. Well, my theory operates on the assumption that the energy present within the spirit plane is a finite resource. That spirits in a given space draw on this energy to become stronger. When there are too many spirits, they share the energy between them, and there is not always enough. But concurrently, if there is a single spirit left undisturbed for a long period of time, they are able to draw upon all of this energy themselves. The spirit you spoke with today has been drawing upon a lot of energy for a very long time. It is likely that any nearby spirits would struggle to progress.

LEO

So I was right then. That you…

FRANK

That I?

LEO

Nothing. Never mind. Thank you for explaining.

FRANK

Of course. Do you need… can I drive you home, perhaps? Are you well?

LEO

No, thanks. I’m uh, I’m just going to keep working tonight. I don’t think I’ll sleep.

FRANK

Would it help if… perhaps if you were not alone? I have a spare room. Several, in fact. And before you called I was… (WITH THE SADDEST, WETTEST DELIVERY IMAGINABLE) making risotto?

LEO

No, Frank. Just… I’m not sure I want to be around you right now.

FRANK

I see. I… yes. Well. If you change your mind. I am sorry, Leo.

LEO

I know.

FRANK

Good night, Leonardo.

LEO

Night, Frank.

[SFX: Footsteps move away and music fades out]

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Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, L.M Clohessy as Eveline, and Asher Amor-Train as Frank. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you’d let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Citrus Jr. for your incredibly generous support this season. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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