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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Six: Ghostwriter.

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[SFX: Recording begins. Classical music playing.]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, uhh… how about… scientific assistant on behalf of Mortui Non Morden. That’s not bad, actually. Anyway, I need to get back on track today. The last spirit spooked me. It happens. It was… well, it was awful, but it happens. But I let myself spiral about it for too long. That and well, I learned a lot of new information about what ghosts can do, and I did not like what I heard. But I let myself get too sucked in to the horror of this new information, and it’s been distracting me from the real problem here. The real problem is that the spirit plane is so stretched thin for resources that we didn’t even know these extra categories existed. Who knows how long it’ll be before the concept of a category three is similarly unheard of? Who knows if the spirit plane will even stay functional long enough for that to happen? So, I think digging into the really old cases was maybe a mistake. What I need is probably the… middle-ground cases. The ones who haven’t been around long enough to develop like, superpowers, but have been around long enough to regress. So, I’ve done some digging through Frank’s own notes and found some cases of spirits that have shown signs of undergoing category regression. There were only a couple that Frank hadn’t gotten around to studying yet, but it’s better than nothing. So, let’s do what we can. Case by case, see what happens.

Case JT#1638, Category three, case status-Unresolved. So, this case was raised back in 2016, a category three haunting the manuscript reading room in the British Library. However, it was placed on a back-burner for a while due to budgetary concerns, then while it was on hold, I guess they just kind of forgot about it, and eventually realised that if they were able to forget about it for so long, then it probably wasn’t dangerous enough to warrant paying for in the first place. So they cancelled the case. Frank flagged it as potential category regression because of what happened after the case was cancelled. Typically in these situations, customer service will schedule calls to check in as often as they deem necessary and make sure the spirit isn’t causing any new issues. During the follow-up period for this, customer service was cheerfully told, and this is a direct quote from the transcript: “Oh, no, it’s settled right down. Much quieter now, barely more than a chill in the corner. I think it’s decided to cut us some slack, we’ve hardly heard a whisper of it since… oh, must be almost two years back now.” That was the final follow-up call in 2021. So now I suppose I’m going to follow up myself, direct to the source.

Our spirit seems to belong to a Renée Lewis. She was a fairly prolific fantasy author in the eighties and nineties, published a ton of books under the pen name Renée Lionheart. They were mostly based on Arthurian legend, and seems like they became sort of cult classics. I’d never heard of them myself but, I mean honestly, they look really good. Like, kind of trashy, but in the best way you know? She died in 1996 while working on her twelfth book, and readers were devastated, there was an outpouring of love for her and her work when she died. I’m honestly kind of excited to meet her. I might even start one of her audiobooks before I do. I’m planning on heading in after the library closes, it’d be hard to get an interview in a silent reading room otherwise. I’ll call and tell them I’m with Better Place, and that we need one final evaluation before we can close the case for good and get us off their backs. That should work, I think. It’s not like anybody wants the possibility of constant cold calls to say “we’ve been trying to reach you about your library’s extended haunting,” after all. So, I’ll call them now. Then, I guess I’ll download Renée Lionheart’s first book and get cracking.

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LEO

Alright, so I’m in the British Library’s Manuscript reading room. They weren’t lying, this is definitely no category three that we’re dealing with here. I managed to use the EMF meter to find her, but it took a minute. She’s so faint, it’s hard to believe she was a category three only, what, ten years ago? a little less?

[SFX: Recorder turning on]

LEO

Hi, Ms. Lio- uh, Lewis, sorry. Are you here?

RENÉE

Hello! Yes, that’s me, how did you know? Oh, that’s odd isn’t it?

LEO

Yes, sorry I should have explained, this is a recorder that I’ve been working on to capture spirits’ voices. I’m here in a scientific capacity, but also to just kind of check in with you and make sure you’re doing okay. Are you okay to chat for a bit?

RENÉE

Good Lord, yes. You’re the first person to talk to me in decades. I’m hardly going to say no, am I?

LEO

That’s… fair, just always makes sense to ask, just in case. Could you start by confirming some details about yourself?

RENÉE

Of course, a detail-oriented researcher, I can respect that. I’m Renée Lewis, and I’m a writer. Date of birth 2nd of September 1949. I died on the 7th May 1996. I remember because I was on deadline, and very aware of the date.

LEO

Oh god, that must have been stressful.

RENÉE

You cannot imagine. I… for want of a better word, woke up, in a sort of panic. Like sleeping through my alarm clock on the day of an important meeting and waking up with a start ten minutes after I was supposed to leave. I just had this overwhelming feeling of having let my editor down, and it took me too long in my stress to even understand that I hadn’t simply fallen asleep. That the library around me had changed. That it had been years, and that I had changed too. I couldn’t do much of anything, for a long time there.

LEO

Did that change? After a while, I mean? Were you able to do more as time went on?

RENÉE

Yes, it took an eternity, or at least that’s how it felt. But I eventually started feeling more present. I still couldn’t do anything, but I could read over people’s shoulders, which was enough to pass the time. What is even the point of spending one’s afterlife in a library if one cannot enjoy the reading materials?

LEO

Yeah, I’m guessing this place had some special relevance, for you to stay behind here?

RENÉE

Oh, it did. Special is hardly a strong enough word. This place was my home away from home. I wrote here almost every day. I write semi-historical fiction, see. Just because I write from myth and legend does not mean I am exempt from research. The tapestry of a story is all the richer for being woven with delicate, golden threads of truth. Very little is more important to me than bringing truth to my characters’ stories. Bringing aspects of their own legend, their own history, and the real world they would have lived in. My readers, I believe, appreciated this too.

LEO

Yeah, for sure. I started on your first book before I got here and you can really tell the work you put in. It makes sense that you stay in this particular reading room. This is where all the Arthurian manuscripts are, right?

RENÉE

Yes, though not only Arthur. Merlin was a recurring character throughout all of my stories, but they spanned centuries. King Arthur featured in many, but my stories followed generations of kings, generations of legends. The knights were most interesting. Not just King Arthur’s, no. (WITH INCREASING FERVOUR) Knighthood was a fascinating concept, and nobody fascinated me more than a Knight called Silence. Silence was born a girl, raised a boy. He himself was not made aware for many years that he was any different from the other boys. Over his life he fulfilled many roles. Bard and knight, noble and fighter, handsome youth and fair maiden. Now the concepts of Nature and Nurture have always been up for debate, but add into this a sprinkling of magic, Merlin’s magic, the laws of magic sometimes working against, and sometimes in tandem with the steadfast laws of nature, then it becomes more interesting. Who was Silence? And what could they have been if somebody else had told their story? (BEAT) That’s what I was working on, when I died. A retelling of Le Roman De Silence. It has been on my mind rather a lot since I passed, so I apologise for the rambling.

LEO

No, don’t be sorry, it’s fascinating. I’d love to have read it. I’m sorry you had to stop.

RENÉE

I am too. I died with all these ideas in my mind, and no way of getting them to the page. After a while though, I still couldn’t write, couldn’t even research, but I could interact with the world around me a little. That helped keep me going. I found I could help other writers feel inspired. I could seek out those feeling blocked or just paralysed with self-doubt. I know the feeling well, after all, and after years of observing here, I found it easy to see what it looks like from the outside. I would read over their shoulder, get this overwhelming feeling that they’re onto something good, if only they could see that themselves. And then all of a sudden, it was like they could. Like they felt what I was feeling, and I’d watch them start writing, watch the words pour from them. That was marvellous.

LEO

It sounds amazing. I’m sure the other writers that came through are so grateful, even if they don’t know it’s you who helped them. You mentioned wanting to write and research again, did you find a way to do that?

RENÉE

I did! It took a while, but I managed it. One day, somebody had a manuscript out on the table, and I so badly wanted to look at it. I hadn’t been able to touch anything up until then, so I don’t know what I expected, but I think it was just instinctual. I reached out to pick it up, and it worked. It was patchy, for a while. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Then eventually, with time or practice, I was able to consistently interact with anything I wanted. I even started logging in to one of the computers overnight and finishing my last novel. I almost completed it too, before I began to slip.

LEO

Right. Yes. That’s what I came to talk to you about, actually. Can you talk a bit more about that, if it isn’t too painful?

RENÉE

Everything painful becomes less so, given the chance to talk to somebody about it. I am a firm believer in this. So yes, I can tell you about it. The first time I noticed it, I was writing, after the library had closed, and I was a little lost in my work. When I came out of my trance, I looked over what I had written and found it riddled with errors. It wasn’t until I went back to fix the mistakes that I realised the cause. My fingers had been slipping through the keys. Not every time, but often enough to be of some concern. It was a gradual decline from there. Writing took much longer, it came to a point where it took several attempts to type a single letter. After a while, it stopped working entirely. Then… well, I… it’s difficult to describe, but I believe I expanded. I became so distant from myself that I stopped being able to reach for anything, to focus on anything. I’m so expansive that now, the world is entirely out of reach. Just like it had been at the beginning.

LEO

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds… I know difficult doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m in the early stages of investigating this, but I promise I’m doing everything I can to stop it from happening.

RENÉE

Ah. So it isn’t just me? I can’t quite tell if that makes it better or worse.

LEO

It can always be a bit of both.

RENÉE

Yes, I think you’re right. You, though, you have made it better. Being here, talking to me. And I don’t wish to push my luck, but it has been many years since somebody even acknowledged me, and it could be many more before it happens again, so-

LEO

Please, push away, I’m here to help.

RENÉE

Wonderful. Could you possibly log in to one of those computers there? I’ll give you my details. I have a manuscript saved. Most of one anyway. Could you send it to my agent? Along with… well, I’ve had a lot of time to think about how the story should end, would you be willing to take some notes? My agent may be able to hire a ghostwriter to complete the manuscript.

LEO

I’m sorry. (PROFOUNDLY UN-SORRY, TRYING NOT TO LAUGH) I’m so sorry for what I’m about to say. But aren’t you, in a sense, a ghostwriter?

RENÉE

(GLEEFULLY) Oh, that was dreadful. Truly, the lowest hanging fruit. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

LEO

Thank you, I try. But instead of me taking notes, why don’t you just tell me your ideas, and I’ll send a clip of the recording to your agent with the manuscript? It’ll lend more credibility to the claim that you wrote it. Though, could you make it seem like you’re making the notes before you died? Not sure I want the news getting out that I can interview spirits just yet.

RENÉE

Of course, excellent idea! Alright, so. (PAUSE) Note to self. Deadline next week. Close to finishing, but must record these ideas before they spill out entirely. After Silence leads Merlin from the forest, they are able to face the king with Merlin in tow. Though while the original manuscript ends with a period-typical moralistic return to established norms, in this version… (FADES OUT)

[SFX: Traffic ambience]

[SFX: Phone ringing]

LEO

Jesus christ, Frank, I told you I’m fine-

JULIA

(OVERLAPPING, QUIETLY THROUGH PHONE) Woah, you actually answered. I had this whole deeply mortifying voicemail planned. There was grovelling involved.

LEO

Julia?

JULIA

Yup, turns out you only pick up the phone when you think it’s Frank on the other end. That seems normal and not at all concerning. Now that I’ve got you though, can we talk? I won’t even ask about why you fucked off and left us in the dark for months. Just to be nice.

LEO

I… yeah. Yes, I can talk, yeah.

JULIA

Good.

[SFX: Ambience fades out]

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Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, Chelsea Krause as Renée, and Shannon Kelly as Julia. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you’d let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Johann Kingsley for your incredibly generous support this season. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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