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Leanne:

Wasting Company Time presents Tell No Tales, season two. Episode Seven: It’s Always Complicated.

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[SFX: Recording begins. Classical music playing.]

LEO

Audio diary of Leo Quinn, some kind of scientist, for someone, I guess. These last few days have been A Lot. A Lot a lot. Too much, in fact. Let’s review, shall we?

In the space of a couple days, I’ve encountered a spirit who gave me a panic attack, I’ve learned that there are not three, but seven categories of spirits – at least – each more messed up than the last, I’ve helped a ghost publish her manuscript from beyond the grave, and I’ve had a weird, cryptic, deeply uncomfortable call from my… I can’t even call her my ex. Because for Julia to be my ex, that would require me to have ever made any move of any kind. But I didn’t. And now I’ll never get a chance to. Not if that phone call was anything to go off.

She hates me. And she has every right to. But what else was I supposed to do? And the situation is just so crappy and twisted, but what’s even more crappy and twisted is that I think the one thing that might actually help would be talking to my friends about it. I know I have a tendency to kind of… hermit, a bit, when things go wrong. But now I actually want to reach out and there’s nobody left to reach out to. (PAUSE) Except… no. No, that’d be weird, right? If I went and talked to Frank? Like, he’s been oddly nice to me recently, but it’d for sure be weird, right? No it would definitely be too weird. Plus he’s working on the tether problem right now. For me. Distracting him just delays my chances of talking to Noah.

(SIGH, LONG PAUSE) What if I just took a day off? Who’s gonna stop me? I could just go on a long walk, maybe stop by… oh, I know what I could do. And I can even call it work, technically. (MORE FRANTICALLY) Yeah, yeah, I’d be checking on a spirit, making sure she hasn’t regressed through the categories. It’s follow-up. Kind of. And also a friendly voice. Win-win!

[SFX: Recording ends]

[SFX: Squawking parakeets fade in]

LEO

Hi, Mickey? Don’t know if you remember me, I’m Leo. You about?

MICKEY

You think I’m likely to forget the only person to talk to me in… woah. That’s new.

LEO

Yeah, it plays back in real time now! So we can have an actual conversation.

MICKEY

Brilliant! I was wondering if you’d ever actually come back.

LEO

I promised I would! I just… There’s been a lot going on, so it took me a bit longer than it should’ve.

MICKEY

Well, you’re here now, so why don’t you sit down, I’ll grow you an apple. Tell me about what’s had you so distracted you couldn’t even pay a poor lost soul a quick visit – don’t look so stressed, I’m joking, mostly.

LEO

I don’t want to take up your time with all my nonsense. I can talk to someone about my problems any time, you can’t. So tell me about your life. Afterlife.

MICKEY

Alright, well, I don’t buy that for a second. If you had people to talk to about your problems I doubt you’d be turning to a ghost you’ve only met once. But you’re right, I don’t get to talk about myself much, so I’ll bite for now. Apple’s about to drop, by the way, think fast.

[SFX: Rustling, then small thunk]

LEO

Oop!

MICKEY

(LAUGHS)

LEO

(SARCASTICALLY) Thanks for that.

MICKEY

Sorry, I’ll fetch you a couple of parakeets to make up for it, they won’t need much coaxing though.

[SFX: Wings flutter nearby, a small but nearby chirp]

LEO

Hi! hiiii buddy!

MICKEY

Well, you’re set. Glad I could help. There’s not too much to tell about my life recently, mostly same old. Except, you know that kid I was telling you about last time we spoke? Little boy, I helped him through his fear of birds? He keeps coming back. He’s dragged his parents back a bunch, and a few friends’ parents too. He’s… I think he must be at least five, he drops by in a school uniform sometimes. Anyway, he knows me. Sort of. I’m not entirely sure how, I try not to give away my presence if I can help it. But he’ll greet me. I didn’t clock it at first, thought he was just greeting the parakeets. But one time, when he left, he sort of turned to the empty space, in mostly my general direction, and said “thanks for the birds, miss!”

LEO

That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.

MICKEY

Isn’t it? You’re a ghost scientist, aren’t you? Any idea how he knows?

LEO

It’s… well, most ghosts have some kind of feeling associated with them. I recently learned that the specific chill, the cold, shivery feeling of being watched, that’s mostly optional. Whether it’s on purpose or not, it happens when a spirit is trying to communicate or reach out. One ghost I know is really good at suppressing it, and he only uses it when he needs to. But then I also learned a while back that the feeling can change – whether it’s dependent on the person themselves, or the feeling they’re trying to convey, I’m not sure – but it can sometimes feel warmer, more explicitly friendly. That’s rare though, I think it must be a specific manifestation. I felt your presence the first time I came here. It was faint, but I’m uh… pretty well attuned to the feeling. I had something of a bad experience a while back, I’m working through it, but yeah.

MICKEY

I remember. I thought it might be something like that. Didn’t want to say anything, though.

LEO

Yeah. I remember though, you backed off. Gave me space to pull myself together. It helped a lot. So thanks for that. But yeah, I’ve heard people say kids are more attuned to the feeling. Not sure why. There’s a ton of sociological study on it, but it’s not really my area. So maybe most people don’t really notice you, but I did, and maybe he did too, for whatever reason.

MICKEY

Interesting. How much can you figure out from that feeling? How’d he know to call me miss?

LEO

Lucky guess, I’m thinking.

MICKEY

Oh, well that’s… slightly disappointing. I was hoping he had like, a sixth sense or something. Wait, does anyone actually have those?

LEO

Nobody I’ve met. Uh… Nobody normal, anyway. I can think of one exception but he’s… he’s a weird case. But who knows, if it’s possible for him, it could be possible in less weird circumstances.

MICKEY

Then I’m gonna hold out hope. I think this little boy’s having a rough go of it. I like that I can help, be a sort of friend to him, and I like the thought that he knows who I am, that I’m here looking out for him if things get difficult. He’s a bit of an odd kid. I was an odd kid myself, so I’ve got a soft spot for it. He seems to find a lot of comfort here.

LEO

Yeah. I relate. In both senses. As in, I’m sure it’s fairly obvious I was a bit of an oddball growing up. And also, I forgot for a while how peaceful this place can be. I can see how it would be comforting.

MICKEY

Ready to talk about it yet?

LEO

About what?

MICKEY

About whatever brought you here. I was trying to let you bring it up on your own but you’re clearly not going to do that.

LEO

I- It’s not- I’m just. I’m… Fine, I’ve been a bit isolated, recently. I’ve had to cut off my friends, for sort of complicated reasons.

MICKEY

(SARCASTICALLY) Oh, it’s always complicated isn’t it.

LEO

Wh- what’s that supposed to mean?

MICKEY

Look, I don’t know your life, maybe I’m wrong. But hoo boy, was I queen of shutting out people who cared about me. Things got too much, and I’d decide on their behalf that they didn’t need the drama, didn’t need to be dragged down by whatever was going on with me. But, nothing like decades of being dead to make you realise there were people who wanted to help, and you’re doing them and yourself a disservice by not letting them.

LEO

This is… different. There are NDAs involved. And like, a thousand other things.

MICKEY

Sure.

LEO

I can’t even see you, but you just rolled your eyes at me, didn’t you?

MICKEY

I can neither confirm nor deny.

LEO

Alright, well, there’s maybe one person I can talk to. He was always kind of… I mean, I assumed he was awful. Well, no he is. Like, objectively. But he’s also been… kind of sweet? In his own weird way. And fascinating. I never expected him to have like, a personality, and a history. And he seems like he genuinely wants to help me. It’s just weird.

MICKEY

Why?

LEO

Well, he’s my boss. But it is a very weird set-up, so it’s more like we’re colleagues, I guess. He did offer me risotto during a bad spell the other night. So I guess he wouldn’t find it too off-putting if I tried to talk to him. But did I mention he’s objectively awful? The man is like, the personification of evil.

MICKEY

Uh-huh? The personification of evil offered you risotto?

LEO

Well. Now you make it sound silly.

MICKEY

Nooo, you’re doing that just fine on your own 🙂

LEO

(LAUGHING) Alright, you win.

MICKEY

You know you can just talk to me too, right? Whatever’s bothering you? I don’t care about NDAs, who am I going to tell, the birds?

LEO

That’s… a solid point. Well, basically, my boss owns Better Place. (INCREASINGLY FRANTIC) I can’t remember how much I told you during our first conversation, but my hope was to get enough statements from spirits to kind of bring Better Place down. Except he figured it out. And instead of firing me, he kind of promoted me. So now we’re working together because it turns out very very bad things are happening and we’re the only people who know enough about it to do something about it. And also because he kind of blackmailed me into it using my brother’s spirit. Oh, also, he’s a ghost kind of. Like, he’s alive, but he’s got this whole mad scientist thing, this weird immortality serum, he’s been around since like the nineteenth century. So there’s that.

Anyway, so it’s literally just me and him in his creepy little labs, and I can’t talk to my friends without getting them all, y’know, involved. And I didn’t know what to do about it, so I just kind of left them in the lurch. And yes, okay, maybe like a big part of it was just that I was too ashamed to tell them I’d basically sold out and caved to the man we were trying to take down, but also, they didn’t sign up for any of this. It was my mission to take down Better Place and they just helped because they’re good people but I couldn’t ask them to go this deep. (BREATH) So. Yeah.

MICKEY

Alrighty, that was a lot. Feel better to have said it all out loud?

LEO

Kinda, actually. Yeah.

MICKEY

Good. Well, I stand by what I said. I think your friends want to help. You should at least give them the choice.

LEO

That’s what Julia said.

MICKEY

Julia’s got a point. Who’s Julia?

LEO

Uhhh, my not-ex. We had… sort of a thing. Or, maybe not. I’ve been head over heels since the day I met her. Even during that weird period when I thought she was working against us. But nothing ever actually happened. We were just friends. Except now she hates me, Riley too. Riley’s my other friend, we’ve been like siblings since school. Or. We were. Until the hating me part.

MICKEY

In my experience that’s almost never true. Usually it’s just anger and hurt, doing a really good job of pretending to be hatred.

LEO

Maybe. But I still can’t tell them anything without getting them Capital-I-Involved.

MICKEY

Because of your boss?

LEO

Sort of. He’s actually been kind of encouraging me to involve them. Like I said, he’s been… oddly kind ever since I agreed to work with him on this project. And he seems… worried about me?

MICKEY

So what’s the problem?

LEO

Well, it’s basically all-or-nothing. I can’t tell them anything unless they agree to sign an NDA and a new work contract too. And I can’t ask them to do that, to put their lives on hold for me. Especially since they seem to have a whole secret project of their own going on at the moment.

MICKEY

So, you’re saying your boss is worried about you? Despite being, apparently, the personification of evil, he seems to genuinely care about you. So why not ask him? Just talk to him. He might be willing to discuss options.

LEO

(LONG PAUSE) I… hadn’t considered that.

MICKEY

That’s what I’m here for. Now cheer up. You’re making the parakeets depressed.

LEO

This one’s been eating the apple happily ever since it got here. I don’t think it’s looked up even once.

MICKEY

Well, that’s Calliope. She can’t think of anything else when there’s food around. But look at Thalia over there. She’s positively weeping.

LEO

I think she’s just jealous of Calliope for eating the apple. She’s got murder in her eyes, not tears.

MICKEY

Oh, look who’s the parakeet expert now. How many parakeets are you spiritually connected to, Leo?

LEO

(LAUGHS) Okay, okay, I’ll go talk to Frank, if I’m bringing the parakeets down so much. Let me just give some of the apple to Thalia before I go.

MICKEY

A truly generous soul. And Leo?

LEO

Yeah?

MICKEY

Come back sooner next time.

LEO

I will.

[SFX: Scene fades out]

[SFX: Mozart’s Requiem – Dies Irae plays from somewhere withing the labs, Leo’s echoey footsteps can be heard as they approach the music]

LEO

Frank? You still down here? I was hoping we could-

LEO

What’s-

[SFX: Leo pushes the open door slightly with a creak. Ash they do, something in the lab lets out a ghostly screech. Whatever’s making this sound is in a lot of pain]

LEO

(GASPS)

[SFX: Fabric rustle as Leo ducks out of sight]

FRANK

Damn it to hell!

[SFX: A stasis capsule is opened, the spirit returns to it with a metallic whoosh, then the stasis capsule is closed]

Another one.

[SFX: Footsteps. Tape recorder clicks on distantly]

FRANK

Note: Subject seventeen succumbed in much the same way as the previous trials.

[SFX: Footsteps as Frank paces intermittently while he speaks]

I had hoped that the recent changes would solve the issue entirely, but it only seemed to prolong his pain. He lasted approximately five minutes before losing his grip entirely, which is longer than the previous spirit, but he seemed to be in a similar amount of pain throughout. I will have to examine this spirit further to determine the exact effect, but it seems safe to assume that it was a similar process to the others, disintegration into something akin to a category one but with a significant loss of consciousness in the process

LEO

(VERY QUIETLY) No.

FRANK

Leonardo! I hadn’t expected-

LEO

(GASPS)

[SFX: Footsteps running away, Dies Irae fades out]

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Leanne:

This episode of Tell No Tales was written and produced by Leanne Egan. In it, you heard the voices of Leanne Egan as Leo, Michaela Hook as Mickey, and Asher Amor-Train as Frank. If you enjoyed this episode, we’d love it if you’d let someone know. It doesn’t have to be us, but it would be a nice ego boost if it was. You can find us on Twitter or Tumblr @tellnotalespod and as always, links and information about transcripts can be found in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who contributed to our season two crowdfund, but with special thanks this episode to Sue R for your incredibly generous support of this season. Tell No Tales is distributed by Wasting Company Time Productions, under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license. Thank you for listening, and remember: the dead don’t bite.

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